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After getting a DUI, Brian is forced to care for a bitter old woman that used to be a jingle singer. Meanwhile, Peter grows a beard and discovers a family of rare swallows living in it.
When Christmas doesn't go as planned, Lois goes beserk, while Stewie agrees to be baby Jesus in the town play to convince Santa he was good.
Joe feels discourage after losing a thief in a chase so Peter enrolls him in a handicapped decathalon to get him his confidence back. Meanwhile, Chris, Meg and Stewie fight over $26 found in a money clip.
While teaching Chris about his Irish heritage, Peter discovers he has a black ancestor and that he was a slave to Lois' family. Meanwhile, Stewie attempts to learn mind control from the school cheerleaders.
The family goes to visit Lois' parents, the Pewterschmidts, where Brian ends up sleeping with their prize-winning greyhound, Sea Breeze.
When Chris picks a robber out of a lineup, the Griffins are placed in a witness protection program in the south. Chris makes a new friend in Sam, while Peter questions a local Civil War re-enactment.
Peter goes with Lois to visit her sister Carole, who is alone and pregnant since her husband walked out on her. After Peter helps Carole deliver her baby, he and Lois decided to have another child.
Peter, still unemployed, takes a job as a fishermen and buys a boat at a police auction. Meanwhile, Lois attempts to cheer up Meg on a spring break trip where she gets all the attention.
When Peter's boss dies after having dinner at the Griffin house, Peter loses his job and joins the traveling Renaissance Fair as a knight.
Meg's crush on Tom Tucker has her apply for an internship at the local television station only to find out her partner is the nerdy Neil. Meanwhile, Stewie's new tricycle is stolen by a bully and Stewie teaches him a lesson.