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Peter's toy company gets bought by El Dorado Cigarette company and they begin using the toys to market cigarettes to kids. Peter talks to his new bosses about his disgust, and they end up promoting him president to shut him up.
The Griffins learn Brian left for Hollywood, and after trying out for Kids Say the Darndest Things, Stewie wins the family a free trip to Los Angeles to visit him.
Brian ends up taking a job as a drug sniffing dog and ends up with a cocaine problem. Brian checks into rehab where they tell him Peter is his problem so he takes off to spend some time away from the Griffins.
After a camping trip, Peter tries to teach Chris to be responsible by making him get a job at the golf course. At the course, Peter decides to enter the father-son golf tournament with Cleveland Jr.
Peter drinks beers until he wins enough to get the scroll to win a tour of the local brewery, Pawtucket Pat's. While there, Peter and Brian get kicked out for drinking a beer that wasn't supposed to be tasted.
After an interview at Brown, Meg discovers she needs more extracurricular activities and ends up joining the school newspaper. Peter writes a story under her name that Luke Petty is gay and they soon end up getting sued.
When the town's zoning laws won't allow Peter to build his own pool, he tries to get a permit and discovers his house is not apart of the US. He decides to name his country Petoria and invades Joe's pool, causing the US Army to get involved.
Due to Brian's flea problem, the Griffins move into a hotel while their house is fumigated. Lois and Peter discover Chris is skipping gym class due to being self conscious, and Peter signs him up for liposuction.
When Peter hires the mob to destroy his car, he must repay the debt by taking the Don's nephew, Big Fat Paulie, to the movies. When Peter tells him he can't hang out with him because of Lois, he mistakes that for Peter wanting Lois killed.
Lois tries to get Stewie to be more social and sends him to pre-school, where he falls in love with a girl named Janet. Lois becomes a flight attendant and Peter takes advantage of the free flights.