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Classic TV Quotes: Gilmore Girls Season Three

Jackie@tvfanatic.com (Jackie Burkhart) — Thu, 26 May 2011 13:02:02 EST

Gilmore Girls premiered season three on September 24, 2002. It kicked off with drama, as Rory came home for her last year of high school to find Jess with another girl. Later on, she dealt with boy problems between Jess and Dean, along with the non-stop comedy from her family.

In addition, Lorelai dealt with some issues of her own. Between her hilarious arguments with Emily, and "motherly talks" with Rory, there was never a boring moment when she was in the scene!

Want to go back and remember some of the most hilarious moments from Season 3? We've posted the most memorable Gilmore Girls quotes from that time below:

Lorelai: (about Emily's manipulative tactics) She's like Lyndon Johnson with the Senate. Effortless. | permalink

Young Christopher: (in flashback, about baby Rory) She's pretty.
Young Lorelai: She's perfect.
Young Christopher: I guess this means we have to get married now. | permalink

Jess: If a horse-drawn carriage shows up here, my throwing up will be eternal. | permalink

Lorelai: We want to do it cheap.
Emily: We'll pay.
Lorelai: No.
Rory: Grandma, it's going to be fun really.
Lorelai: Kids do it all the time.
Emily: Yes, but you're not a kid. | permalink

Lorelai: Tell Sherry to keep her legs crossed 'til I get there.
Rory: Does that work?
Lorelai: No. Bye. | permalink

Jackson: You wanna get another produce guy?
Sookie: Maybe I should!
Jackson: Well, go ahead!
Sookie: Don't tempt me!
Jackson: That's it, I am leaving.
Sookie: Go! And take the tendrils with you!
Jackson: Fine! See you tonight?
Sookie: I love you.
Lorelai: And it always ends with a hug. | permalink

Sookie: Oh wait! What's that? It's a bird, it's a plane, it's Super Jackson and his atomic pea tendrils! | permalink

Lorelai: You look peeved.
Emily: I'm not peeved.
Lorelai: Well, you look peeved.
Emily: Kindly stop making me say the word peeved. | permalink

Clara: Is Jess your real name?
Jess: Yes.
Clara: Do you like it?
Jess: It's fine.
Clara: Would you rather be named Bill?
Jess: No.
Clara: Frank?
Jess: No.
Clara: Mike?
Jess: No.
Clara: Bob?
Jess: No.
Clara: Ed?
Jess: (to Dean) Does this belong to you? | permalink

Emily: (about Lorelai's house) Is it clean?
Lorelai: Yeah, it's clean.
Emily: If I came in there wearing white gloves, what would I find?
Lorelai: That you could pull a rabbit out of your hat. | permalink

Lorelai: I totally suck at buying my father gifts. Especially for his birthday.
Rory: He'll like whatever you get him.
Lorelai: If I slip him a Quaalude, he'll like whatever I get him. | permalink

Lorelai: Could you get rid of it?
Dean: Yeah, yeah.
Lorelai: Don't let his family see you. Spiders are vindictive. And this was a really big spider. I think it had a gun. | permalink

Clara: Jess can't throw.
Jess: I can, too.
Clara: You missed every time.
Jess: I can't concentrate with your annoying midget voice yammering on and on. It's like having Stuart Little shoved in my ear. | permalink

Dean: What's the matter, Jess? Why you walking away?
Jess: It's getting a little West Side Story here, Dean, and I gotta warn you, my dancing skills are not up to snuff. | permalink

Rory: Hey. (hands Luke a bouquet of flowers)
Luke: What's this?
Rory: Flowers.
Luke: What do I do with them?
Lorelai: Ugh, not this again.
Rory: Put them in a vase with water.
Luke: I don't have a vase.
Lorelai: You do this every year.
Luke: I don't have vases.
Lorelai: Buy a vase.
Luke: But I don't need a vase 'cause I never have flowers.
Lorelai: Except when we bring you flowers every year on Thanksgiving. Buy a vase. | permalink

Luke: Shouldn't we say thanks first?
Jess: For what?
Luke: Well, that we're not Native Americans who got their land stolen in exchange for small pox infested blankets.
Lorelai: Amen. | permalink

Lorelai: Rory what are we if not the world's champion eaters?
Rory: It's too much food.
Lorelai: It's not too much food. This is what we've been training for our whole lives. This is our destiny, this is our finest hour.
Rory: Or final hour. | permalink

Lorelai: Oh, please, we're not eating for a year.
Rory: Or 'til tomorrow morning.
Lorelai: Whichever comes first. | permalink

(picking dance partners for Lorelai)
Luke: What about that one?
Lorelai: Hum not!
Luke: Why not?
Lorelai: Too pale
Luke: So what?
Lorelai: Pale means sickly.
Luke: Or sunscreen.
Lorelai: Or mad cows disease!
Luke: Pale does not mean mad cows disease!
Lorelai: Have you ever had mad cows disease?
Luke: Just twice last week and and my color was wonderful. | permalink

Paris: But I already put him in my revenge notebook. | permalink

Lorelai: Have you seen Sookie or Jackson?
Luke: No, but have you tried the insane asylum, where everyone in this room is supposed to be. | permalink

Sookie: But, you're my best friend.
Lorelai: Yes, I am, and I can only remain your best friend as long as Jackson doesn't kill me.
Sookie: Lorelai!
Lorelai: Sookie, he's a produce man. They'll never find the body, but the squash'll be especially chatty that year. | permalink

Emily: And what do you intend to do with that paper clip?
Lorelai: I intend to carve something really dirty into the bathroom door.
Emily: Lorelai.
Lorelai: What rhymes with Nantucket? | permalink

Kirk: Luke, where's your lost and found?
Luke: Outside, in the dumpster. | permalink

Kirk: (to Lorelai) I think you're the prettiest girl I've ever seen -- outside of a really filthy magazine. | permalink

Lorelai: But this goes against every rule I have in the Gilmore Survival Guide. Number one: No running with scissors. Number two: No page-boy haircuts. Number three: Never, ever have lunch alone with the mother. | permalink

Lorelai: We need perspective.
Rory: We need therapy.
Lorelai: And booze! (pause) For those of us over 21, of course. | permalink

Lorelai: This is an uncontaminated area. I even cleaned the table with something other than the sleeve of my sweater and spit! | permalink

Paris: What if I fall for him but he doesn't like me?
Rory: You'll find someone else.
Paris: What if there is no one else?
Rory: Then you'll get some cats. | permalink

Rory: I can't finish all this and sleep at the same time.
Lorelai: You have to sleep. It's what keeps you pretty.
Rory: Who cares if I'm pretty if I fail my finals?
Lorelai: Oh-kay. You've got this so completely backwards. | permalink

Classic TV Quotes: Gilmore Girls Season Two

eric@tvfanatic.com (Eric Hochberger) — Wed, 11 Aug 2010 09:10:18 EST

Gilmore Girls returned in 2001 with a second season that opened with Lorelai accepting Max's proposal. Fans of course knew this wasn't go to last, as the only wedding during season two would be between Sookie and Jackson in the finale.

Season two also introduced us to Luke's bad boy nephew, Jess, and a potential thorn in her relationship with Dean. There were also plenty more major changes including Richard quitting his job and starting a consulting company, Lorelai graduating business school and discussing her plans to start her own Inn, and even Christopher returning multiple times.

Did we miss any of your favorite moments? No worries, because we have them all captured with the largest collection of Gilmore Girls quotes ever put together. So what are you waiting for? Go browse and vote!

Here are just some of our favorites from season two:

Luke: But who knows how long you'll work after you're married.
Lorelai: Excuse me?
Luke: But you probably already talked about that, right?
Lorelai: No, but I do think he and my father have come to an agreement on how many goats I'm worth. | permalink

Richard: You know, when I was ten years old I knew exactly where I wanted to work.
Lorelai: Well, that's because you were always picked last for dodgeball. | permalink

Man: That's a hammer?
Rory: Well, it's just dressed up a little.
Man: You dressed up a hammer?
Rory: No, my mother did. She does that. She, um, she takes thinks that aren't pretty and makes them pretty, like a hammer, you know. One time she made individual outfits for my liquid paper bottles. A clown, a cowboy, a newscaster. She's not insane, she just sounds it. | permalink

Lorelai: Okay, I think we just found the first room in the history of the world that would've made Liberace say, "Whoa! Step back! No one's that gay". | permalink

Jess: Want to bail?
Rory: Um...no.
Jess: How come?
Rory: Because it's Tuesday night in Stars Hollow. There's nowhere to bail to. The 24-hour mini mart just closed 20 minutes ago. | permalink

Rory: So, did you know that you're considered a hot dad?
Lorelai: Hah!
Christopher: Really?
Rory: Libby said that it's too bad that you're my real dad, because if you were my stepdad, I could steal you away from Mom.
Lorelai: Ugh.
Christopher: That Libby's got a good life ahead of her. | permalink

Francie: Don't you have a nickname?
Rory: Well. Rory is a nickname. My real name is Lorelai.
Lem: Lorelai? That's a weird name!
Rory: Well Lem.. what can I say! | permalink

Luke: Jess, this is Mia. She owns the Independence Inn.
Jess: Oh.
Luke: That's "hello, nice to meet you" in slacker. | permalink

Lorelai: Hey Mom, you didn't make it back to the room last night. Did you get lucky?
Emily: Could you be any cruder?
Lorelai: Yeah, I could be cruder. Hey Mom, did you get lai...
Rory: Thanks for coming! | permalink

Lorelai: People have too many things.
Rory: Says the woman with 64 pairs of shoes.
Lorelai: Thus proving my point. | permalink

Richard: Who's going to help Rory get into Harvard?
Lorelai: Reese Witherspoon. | permalink

Miss Patty: Listen darling, do you happen to have change for a dollar?
Lorelai: I think so.
Miss Patty: I don't know where my quarters go.
Lorelai: Down some guy's g-string, I would expect.
Miss Patty: Oh no, a quarter would be insulting. | permalink

Michel: That fellow's on the phone from the restaurant.
Lorelai: Who?
Michel: The flannel man with the protruding ankles.
Lorelai: Oh, Luke?
Michel: I forgot his name from the desk to here, that's how memorable he is. | permalink

Rory: Would you really feel guilty?
Lorelai: No, but I'd feel guilty about not feeling guilty, and you see how that could go on forever. | permalink

Mr. Merten: Every baseball on campus seems to have disappeared.
Luke: Oh, come on, you don't think Jess seriously... I'll check when I get home. | permalink

Rory: You know, there will be food there.
Lorelai: Finger food, aka snooty little balls of attitude!
Rory: Oh boy.
Lorelai: I need real food, peasant food, hearty bread, meat, cheese, little pickle chips, sauce, a special sauce. This is the food that sustains me, this is the food of my...
Rory: Oh my God, just eat the burger already!
Lorelai: How crabby!
Rory: I'm not crabby.
Lorelai: I didn't even get through my special sauce speech. That's crabby. | permalink

Man: Excuse me, I'm so sorry to bother you. Which way is 44th?
Rory: Oh, um, that way.
Man: Great, thanks.
Rory: I got asked directions.
Jess: I saw.
Rory: He took me for a native. That's so cool.
Jess: That's very impressive. Forty-fourth's the other way. | permalink

Lorelai: But I'm here now and hey, I'm like cheese.
Dean: What?
Rory: She gets better with time. | permalink

Dean: (Referring to Babette and Miss Patty singing) So, how many cocktails caused that?
Rory: Oh, they haven't had any cocktails yet.
Dean: Really?
Rory: Oh yeah, when they start having cocktails we're gonna have to hide you. | permalink

Classic TV Quotes: Gilmore Girls Season One

eric@tvfanatic.com (Eric Hochberger) — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 10:40:41 EST

With its fast dialogue and endless run-on sentences loaded with pop culture references and political-social commentary, what Classic TV Quotes segment would be complete without Gilmore Girls?

Lorelai and her daughter Rory gave us seven seasons of entertainment that even made Time's "100 Best TV Shows of All Time." The best we can do for Amy Sherman-Palladino's classic?

We've compiled over 600 quotes from season one for you to browse and vote for your favorites. Until we're lucky enough to get a Gilmore Girls movie, that's what you're going to have to settle with.

So get read and enjoy our editor's picks of our favorite Gilmore Girls quotes below:

Lorelai: Michel, the phone.
Michel: Mm-hmm. It rings.
Lorelai: Can you answer it?
Michel: No. People are particularly stupid today. I can't talk to any more of them.
Lorelai: You know who's really nice to talk to? The people at the unemployment agency.
Michel: Independence Inn. Michel speaking. | permalink

Rory: You're happy.
Lorelai: Yeah.
Rory: Did you do something slutty?
Lorelai: I'm not that happy. | permalink

Rory: I can't be late on my first day of school. Do you know what happens to people when they're late on their first day?
Lorelai: It's shorter?
Rory: For the rest of the year, they're labeled "The Late Girl."
Lorelai: How dramatic. | permalink

Lorelai: (to Headmaster Charleston) Rory is not gonna to be a problem. She's totally low maintenance, you know, like a Honda. You know, they're just easy, just...nice office. | permalink

Rory: Is it hard to become a member here?
Richard: Everyone has to go through a thorough screening process.
Rory: Kind of like the FBI?
Richard: We're much more thorough than that. | permalink

Rory: Oh my God, I just got hit by a deer!
Lane: You hit a deer?
Rory: No, I got hit by a deer!
Lane: How do you get hit by a deer?
Rory: I was at a stop sign and it hit me.
Lane: Was it a 4-way stop?
Rory: What does that matter?
Lane: I don't know. I don't know what to ask after you've been hit by a deer. | permalink

Max: How about coffee? You like coffee?
Lorelai: Only with my oxygen. | permalink

Rory: I'll be back in plenty of time to help you decorate.
Lorelai: No, this is your party. You do not work. You lounge and mock those who are. Have I taught you nothing?
Rory: Sorry, I'll try to be better. | permalink

Lorelai: He kissed you and you said 'thank you'?
Rory: Yes.
Lorelai: Well that was very polite. | permalink

Dean: So are you asking me to go to a dance with you?
Rory: No... Yes... I mean... if you wanted to go, I would go too.
Dean: That would probably be good since it's your school. | permalink

Lorelai: Rory, there are only two things that I trust in this entire world. The fact that I will never be able to understand what Charo is saying no matter how long she lives in this country, and you.
Rory: Hopefully not in that order. | permalink

Dean: We were reading a book and then we fell asleep.
Lorelai: Pick a more interesting book next time. | permalink

Max: Not only are you breaking up with me, you're doing it really badly.
Lorelai: Am I being graded?
Max: No, I'm a little disappointed. I would've expected a little better dumping from you.
Lorelai: I just need space.
Max: Well, I don't. In fact, I want as little space as possible. A hundred clowns crammed into a Volkswagen, that's the kind of non-space I'm talking about. | permalink

Lorelai: Hey, you know the one good thing we learned from this?
Rory: What?
Lorelai: That I'm a babe. | permalink

Lorelai: Who wants cheese?
Rory: Are there crackers?
Lorelai: Somewhere in the state of Connecticut, yes, there are crackers.
Rory: And in the Gilmore house?
Lorelai: Who wants cheese? | permalink

Lorelai: I miss Max.
Rory: I know.
Lorelai: I had a dream about him the other night.
Rory: Really? Dirty?
Lorelai: (embarrassed) No, absolutely not. And when you're 21, I'll tell you the real answer. | permalink

Lorelai: So, last time I saw you, you were headed home. You want to fill in the blanks?
Rory: I don't know. I just snapped and I got sick of everything. I wanted to go anywhere.
Lorelai: So you picked hell? | permalink