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It's morning on the Upper East Side, and Serena is on the phone with Blair, who is lying about where she is for some reason, saying she’s at home with Dorota when she’s really out on the street somewhere.
In Brooklyn, Dan basks in his first “fan letter” and his entry package to Yale. Jenny is turning 16 tomorrow. Everyone is excited but J herself.
Vanessa pops in to worry about why Nate hasn’t called her in a week and let her apologize for getting mad at him last week. Right then, she gets an email from Nate asking her to stop by in half an hour.
On the street, Serena runs into Poppy, who is pleased to tell Serena about her fab life with new boyfriend Gabriel in Spain. They’re only in New York for 48 hours.
Serena updates Poppy on her life, and Poppy says that everything is exactly the same as when they last saw each other. Serena says she’s throwing a Sweet 16 party for a friend, and Poppy is unimpressed.
She brushes Serena and her “little party” off, and Serena is sad as she suddenly sees how boring her life is, in her opinion.
The Humphreys go to the van der Woodsens for breakfast.
They discuss Jenny’s birthday. Lily and Serena pitch their surprise: a party with a caterer and a DJ. Jenny says she’d rather have a quiet night at home with the family and board games.
Serena and Lily say they will cancel the party if she wants them to.
Meanwhile, Rufus looks at the paperwork Dan gave him and sees that his Financial Aid application to Yale has been denied.
At school, S doesn’t understand why J doesn’t want a big party, and Eric speculates that maybe she’s worried no one would show up.
Blairs posse walk up to Serena and snidely thank her for nixing her party so they don’t need to pretend to feel bad for going to Penelope’s instead.
Not to be outdone, Serena decides to call Poppy.
Vanessa walks to Nate’s and sees B and Nate together, leaving Nate’s house and hugging goodbye.
Chuck approaches in his limo and says it’s been going on all week. He’s the one who emailed her from Nate’s account, and when she’s ready to do something about this, she should call him.
At school, Chuck confronts Blair about Nate but she says they’re platonic. He says that's good because they don’t have a spark, and Blair scoffs.
To further get under her skin, Chuck mentions that Nate still hasn’t broken things off with Vanessa - so how easy can a relationship with N really be?
Lily, offers to help Rufus with the financial aid sitch by having him and the kids move in. It’s a big step, but she tells him to talk to a realtor and see what they say.
Blair and Nate walk in the park. Blair compares Nate to Brad Pitt, Vanessa to Jennifer Aniston, and herself to Angelina Jolie. She thinks they need to “embrace their fate” as a couple. Nate says he needs to talk to Vanessa and break it off in person, but will come over afterwards.
Poppy, Jenny and Serena meet at a boutique.
They want her to have her dream dress for her birthday. J sees a gorgeous, glittery dress, but says she’s not having that kind of party and takes a bland, black one to the changing room instead.
Poppy says Jenny doesn’t know what she wants, so they should ignore what she says and throw a party. J returns from the changing room, and they tell her to try on the pretty dress.
Serena and Poppy decide that since Jenny likes the pretty dress, she does want a huge party after all. But of course that's just what S wants her to want. Serena calls the caterer and orders even more food than before.
Vanessa and Nate meet for dinner, and Nate breaks up with her before she can even sit down. She wants to try to make it work, but he wants to throw in the towel. She asks point blank if there's someone else. He says no.
Over at the Waldorfs, Blair wonders why Nate isn’t back. Finally, he shows up and tells Blair they broke up, but it’s getting late, so he wants to go home, and they can hang out later in the week.
He kisses her on the forehead and leaves. Blair worries to Dorota again that they don't have the passion.
Vanessa goes to see Chuck at his place, and they decide not to let Nate and Blair make fools of them any longer. What will they plan?
At the Humphreys, Dan answers the phone. It’s a realtor and, thinking Dan is Rufus, she asks when he’s free to appraise the loft.
Dan and Jenny then head over to the party at the van der Woodsens with food and board games. Dan and Jenny slip past doorman Vanya, who's reading Ann Coulter because of his love affair with Dorota.
Jenny is happy that things are going well these days, but Dan tells Jenny about the realtor and how they may be moving to the UES.
Serena’s on the phone with B again as they prepare for the party. S asks B how she knows so much about Nate and Vanessa’s breakup. B says they’ve been spending time together - it’s their destiny to be together.
Serena says she's happy for B, since Nate means no drama. Blair insists that they do have PLENTY of drama, passion and sparks and fireworks, etc. S definitely hit a nerve there.
Dan and Jenny walk in and see a massive party. Even Penelope canceled hers when she heard that Poppy was behind the new-and-improved “soiree.”
The girls from the steps congratulate Jenny on “rising from her social grave,” but she laments that she dug the grave and was happy in it.
She confronts Serena, who is offended that Jenny doesn’t like the party that she said she would not like. Jenny walks away mad.
Eric tells Jenny that Serena probably wanted to prove to everyone that she could still throw a great party. A pissed off J decides that if S wants a party, she’ll get one: she sends a text to Gossip Girl saying there’s a rager at the VDWs, and all are welcome.
Chuck and Vanessa show up, wondering what plan will work to break up Nate and Blair. Vanessa rejects his “leaked Chuck and Vanessa sex tape” idea.
When they walk in and see that Nate and Blair are there, it's Vanessa who takes the lead, grabbing Chuck and making out with him.
Nate and Blair see this ruse and are extremely upset.
The party is now raging even harder than before, and Poppy asks Serena who the “rowdy children” are. She’s leaving, and S says she’ll catch up later after she cleans up after this mess.
Jenny tells Serena she invited everyone to stick it to S for not listening to her. Their fight is interrupted by Eric casually telling Serena that there are strangers having sex in her bed.
Serena corrals Dan to help her change the sheets. She confides that she was feeling bored lately and that's why she did this to J. Dan tells her to lighten up and enjoy being in high school for a change.
Nate confronts V, who says that what she has with Chuck is “just physical.”
He tells her not to let him talk her into something she’s not ready for and she says at least Chuck doesn’t pretend to be someone he’s not. SNAP.
Blair walks up, tells Vanessa to get lost and grabs Nate. She takes him to Chuck's room and they lock themselves in. Blair throws Nate on the bed and mounts him. Hot ... except he thinks they should be friends first.
She is upset and humiliated, and he tries to touch her hair to comfort her, but she gets pissed and says only her boyfriend gets to touch her hair.
As Blair storms out, Chuck tells V to wait and see how their “overwhelming sexual chemistry” has driven a wedge between Nate and Blair.
V goes to find Nate, and he says that if she always wanted to be more like Blair Waldorf, congratulations, because she succeeded.
Eric finds Snorena and Dan’s heart-to-heart to say there’s a new problem - a mob of kids outside the building demanding entry to the “rager.”
The good news - the cops show up to disperse the mob. The bad news - Lily and Rufus show up right then as well. Lily sees her trashed house, and she blames Serena, who says she isn't responsible for what happened.
Jenny admits that she posted the party on Gossip Girl, and she’s sorry, but she didn't want Serena's party. Lily says it sounded lovely, but Jenny says that, actually, she doesn’t want to be a Park Avenue Princess.
Serena goes out to meet Poppy and laments what a boring high school senior with boring problems she is. Poppy says S should come to Spain via private jet with her and her boyfriend. Serena is all for it!
Lily slept over at Rufus’ house while peeps cleaned up her house. She and Rufus decide they were moving too fast with the moving-in-together plan.
Rufus says he’ll figure something out as far as the money. Dan overhears and asks what’s wrong with Yale. Rufus talks to him and D figures out why Rufus wanted to sell the loft. Rufus says don't worry, he'll handle it.
Dan decides to call his “fan,” and it’s revealed to be none other than his half-brother who everyone thinks is dead. He doesn't know this, though.
The adoptive parents answer his cell phone, say he’s unavailable and hang up. They think Scott wrote the letter to Dan because he knows about his birth parents.
They delete the incoming call from his phone.
Blair and Dorota are walking in the park. Blair says she had a lot of fun hanging out with Nate, and now she’s sad she misses her friend.
Dorota then tells Blair that Nate called about her favorite spot (the duck pond) because that’s where he wanted their first kiss to be.
Blair looks up and sees Nate by the pond.
He says he does want to be with her all along, but he just wanted it to be perfect. They kiss. It's sweet.
Serena goes to the airport with her bag in tow, and a blonde man approaches. He says he knows her as Savannah, and they met a long time ago.
She doesn’t remember. Poppy approaches, and introduces him as her boyfriend Gabriel. Serena texts Lily right before her flight, saying she's gone to Spain for the week.
Chuck wakes up ... and we see Vanessa getting dressed!
She wants to leave and pretend last night never happened. He gives her the Chuck Bass look and kisses her. She says that it means nothing, and he then asks “What means nothing?” They kiss again.
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