[about his community service] Barney: I was unfairly punished because the wall belonged to the judge's church. Ted: You peed on a church? Barney: I peed in an alley which happened to have a church which I did not see, because I was drunk!
Barney: Okay, Ted. I found a way for you to help someone, to do some good. This is Walter. Walter is homeless. And Walter would like a lap dance. Ted: Are you joking? Barney: I never joke about the sublime art of burlesque entertainment