It's Thanksgiving, with only trimmings!

Red finds a bag of drugs in with the holiday veggies and flushes them down the toilet.

Piper talks with Sophia about missing intimate contact and realizes Larry would make an ugly woman.

Someone whips Daya up an abortion tonic.

Pennsatucky has fan mail, and Alex thinks it's funny. But it's not so funny when Pennsatucky calls her a rich bitch.

Alex is the daughter of a "rock god."

Pornstache tells everyone they are not to commit suicide this Thanksgiving.

There is a party for Taystee because she's getting out.

Alex and Piper dance at the party, and Pennsatucky goes to Healy and tells him she saw them being lesbians in the bathroom, which was a lie. In his excitement, Healy throws Piper into SHU. Pornstache tells him he can't do that, but Healy threatens to write him up, as well.

Taystee starts to worry about her impending release, and that she will have nothing to offer society. 

At visitation, it's revealed that Crazy Eyes' parents are white.

Sophia's wife drops by for a visit, and Sophia wonders if she is interested in another man.

When Larry arrives, he asks Fischer to give his phone number to Healy to please call him right away. 

Alex goes to Pennsatucky in front of everyone and kisses her, thanking her for the best p*ssy licking she's ever had.

Pornstache threatens Red by peeing in the Thanksgiving gravy and telling her the next time she messes with his stash, he'll end her life.

Larry calls everyone threatening lawsuits if someone doesn't get through to him with regard to Piper being held in SHU.

Larry wants to cancel Thanksgiving and Piper's brother wants him to carry on because he's sure she's fine.

Healy goes to SHU and doesn't get the reception from Piper that he expects.

Alex's roommate steals her mattress and they don't want to give her another one. She flashes back to the time she met her father. It was not the meeting she had dreamed about. Meeting her father is what got her into the drug trade.

Aleida admits to Daya that she told someone to give her a half-ass potion to teach her a lesson, but would never let her ice her own grandbaby.

Pennsatucky breaks Alex's glasses while she's in the shower.

Piper gets a moldy piece of bologna as a meal while in the SHU and hears a voice through the vent, who doesn't know if she's real or not.

Taystee leaves without any goodbyes because it's a holiday. She does a dance before boarding the van instead.

Polly and Eric bring Maury Kind from NPR to Larry's Thanksgiving and he geeks out.

The person in the cell next to Piper thinks they've been there for nine months to a year. They keep the lights on and mess with your mind until they break you.

Sister Ingalls advises Sophia to let her wife go.

Larry pushes things with Maury Kind during Thanksgiving dinner to try to get onto his show.

Red threw all of the gravy out.

Piper finds a piece of hair in her loaf thing for Thanksgiving. When she tries to reach the person in the cell beside her, there is no response.

Caputo tells Healy that Larry is putting up a stink, and he has to get Piper out of SHU right now.

Daya decides to keep her baby.

Sophia gives her wife her blessing to do whatever she needs.

Taystee shows up somewhere and the woman says she doesn't want an ex-con staying with her, while dudes are doing crack in the back.

Sophia is back to her old dosage of hormones.

Piper is let out of SHU.

Fischer delivers Larry's number to Healy on a Thanksgiving hand and Healy makes a call.

When Piper is let out of SHU she grabs Alex and takes her to the chapel where they start making out.