Seinfeld - TV Fanatic

Classic TV Quotes: Seinfeld Season Four

eric@tvfanatic.com (Eric Hochberger) — Wed, 18 Aug 2010 08:27:54 EST

Seinfeld's fourth season picked up directly after the third with Kramer still in LA and Jerry and George going out there in a two part premiere to retrieve their friend. From there, the primary story arc of season four focused on Jerry and George's pitching of a pilot to NBC.

Other memorable season four episodes that we can't help but think of when we think of Seinfeld included:

"The Bubble Boy" - Elaine, George and Susan visit a man living in a bubble.
"The Pick" - Jerry's model girlfriend thought she caught him picking his nose.
"The Implant" - Jerry wonders if his girlfriend's breasts are real.
"The Junior Mint" - Kramer drops a Junior Mint inside a man's body during surgery.

So if you're ready to relive those great episodes and so many more, go ahead and check out our complete collection season four Seinfeld quotes or browse through our favorites below:

Jerry: (seeing George's big pile of luggage) It's a three day trip. Who are you, Diana Ross?
George: I dress based on mood.
Jerry: But you essentially always wear the same thing.
George: Seemingly. But, within that basic framework, there are a number of subtle variations, visible only to the trained observer, that reveal the many moods, the many shades, of George Costanza.
Jerry: And what is this?
George: This is morning mist. | permalink

Kramer: You know, things are going pretty well for me here. I met a girl.
Jerry: Kramer, she was murdered!
Kramer: Yeah, well I wasn't looking for a long term relationship. I was on TV.
George: As a suspect in a serial killing.
Kramer: Ok, yeah, you guys got to put a negative spin on everything. | permalink

Telemarketer: Hi, would you be interested in switching over to TMI long distance service.
Jerry: Oh, gee, I can't talk right now. Why don't you give me your home number and I'll call you later.
Telemarketer: Uh, I'm sorry we're not allowed to do that.
Jerry: Oh, I guess you don't want people calling you at home.
Telemarketer: No.
Jerry: Well now you know how I feel. | permalink

George: I'm sorry. I can't live knowing that Ted Danson makes that much more than me. Who's he?
Jerry: He's somebody!
George: What about me?
Jerry: You're nobody.
George: Why him? Why not me?
Jerry: He's good, you're not.
George: I'm better than him!
Jerry: You're worse! Much much worse. | permalink

Kramer: Have we been intimate?
Elaine: Yeah, yeah we've been intimate.
Kramer: And how often do we do it?
Elaine: Kramer! How is that important? Honestly, do you really think he's going to ask you that?
Kramer: Elaine, he's a psychiatrist. They're interested in stuff like that.
Elaine: All right, all right. We do it, uh five times a week. Okay?
Kramer: Ooooh baby! | permalink

Bubble Boy: Moors!!
George: Moops!! | permalink

Jerry: She's a virgin. She just told me.
Elaine: I didn't know.
Jerry: Well, it's not like spotting a toupee!
Elaine: Do you think I should say something? Should I apologize? Was I being anti-virgin? | permalink

George: What are you doing tonight?
Jerry: Date with Marla.
George: Oh, the virgin? Any progress there, what's the latest?
Jerry: Well, I've got my troops amassed along the border. I'm just waiting for someone to give me the go-ahead. | permalink

Tia: This ice cream is really nice.
Jerry: Oh you know what, they've put the fudge at the bottom of the ice cream. That way you can control your fudge distribution as you eat it.
Tia: I never knew a man who knew so much about nothing.
Jerry: Thank you. | permalink

Elaine: Let me tell you, I didn't intentionally expose myself, but, now, I wish I had. For it is not me, but you who have been exposed, for I have seen the nipple on your soul! | permalink

George: Kramer goes to a Fantasy camp? His whole life is a fantasy camp! People should plunk down $2,000 to live like him for a week. Do nothing, fall ass backwards in the money, mooch food off your neighbors and have sex without dating; now that's a fantasy camp. | permalink

Jerry: Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun, you don't stare at it. It's too risky! You get a sense of it and then you look away. | permalink

George: Two tickets to "Guys And Dolls"! I'm gonna go with you!
Jerry: "Guys And Dolls"? Isn't that a lavish, Broadway musical?
George: It's "Guys And Dolls," not "Guys And Guys." | permalink

George: (trying to convince a reporter that he's not gay) Look, you wanna have sex right now? Do want to have sex with me right now? Let's go! C'mon, let's go baby! C'mon! | permalink

Kramer: Who's gonna turn down a Junior Mint? It's chocolate, it's peppermint -it's delicious!
Jerry: That's true.
Kramer: It's very refreshing! | permalink

Jerry: Can't you at least die with a little dignity?
George: No, I can't. I can't die with dignity. I have no dignity. I want to be the one person who doesn't die with dignity. I live my whole life in shame. Why should I die with dignity? | permalink

Jerry: Did you ever notice a lot of butlers are named Jeeves? I think when you name a baby Jeeves; you've pretty much mapped out his future. Not much chance he's gonna be a hitman. "Terribly sorry, sir, but I'm going to have to whack you." | permalink

Classic TV Quotes: Seinfeld Season Three

eric@tvfanatic.com (Eric Hochberger) — Fri, 06 Aug 2010 08:44:48 EST

Season three of Seinfeld definitely had some of the moments we refer back to the most. Whether it was George concerned that "it" moved during a massage from a male, going to the bathroom in the parking garage, the invention of Vandelay Industries, or the theory of the second spitter, there was some memorable moments.

However, we have to think of season three, there will always be one image that comes to mind: "The Kramer." The infamous portrait of Kramer that made its way into pop culture and college dorm rooms everywhere.

To celebrate this amazing show, we put together our favorite Seinfeld quotes from the first full 23 episode season. So go ahead and browse and vote on your favorites:

George: I think it moved. | permalink

George: I've driven women to lesbianism before but never to a mental institution. | permalink

Kramer: (on the loney librarian) She needs a little tenderness...she needs a little understanding...she needs a little Kramer.
Jerry: Then she'll need a little penicillin. | permalink

Jerry: The problem with the mall garage is that everything looks the same. They try to differeriate between levels. They put up different colors, different numbers, different letters. What they need to do is name the levels, like, "Your mother's a whore." You would remember that. | permalink

Jerry: Go ahead, you're taking the IQ test.
George: Yeah, and she's gonna find out I'm a moron. You know, people think I'm smart, but I'm not smart.
Jerry: Who thinks you're smart? | permalink

Jerry: It's like my brain is facing my penis in a chess game. And I'm letting him win.
George: You're not letting him win. He wins till you're forty.
Jerry: Then what?
George: He still wins but it's not a blowout. | permalink

George: I've always been attracted to cleaning women. Cleaning women, chambermaids
Jerry: Yeah, chambermaids, I'm attracted to them too.
George: Why is that?
Jerry: It's a woman in your room. | permalink

Jerry: I don't have a good apartment for an intervention. The furniture is very non-confrontational. | permalink

Elaine: Hey, have you ever fasted?
Jerry: Well, once I didn't have dinner until, like nine o'clock. That was pretty rough. | permalink

Jerry: I'm Vandelay Industries?
George: Right.
Jerry: And what is that?
George: You're in latex.
Jerry: Latex? And what do I do with latex?
George: You manufacture it. | permalink

George: I really think it looks good.
Elaine: Ten bucks, how can you go wrong?
George: All bald people look good in hats.
Elaine: You should have lived in the '20s and '30s, you know men wore hats all the time then.
George: What a bald paradise that must have been. | permalink

Kramer: I was clinging to those keys, man, like a branch on the banks of a raging river, and now I have let go and I'm free to go with the current, to float, and I thank you. | permalink

Kramer: Having the keys to Jerry's apartment - that kept me in a fantasy world. Every time I went over to his house it was like a vacation: better food, better view, better TV, cleaner, oh, much cleaner. That became my reality. I ignored the squalor in my own life because I'm looking at life, you see, through Jerry's eyes. I was living in the twilight, living in the shadows, living in the darkness like you.
George: Me?!
Kramer: Oh, I can barely see you, George.
George: Stop it Kramer, you're freakin' me out. | permalink

Classic TV Quotes: Seinfeld Season Two

eric@tvfanatic.com (Eric Hochberger) — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 14:30:04 EST

Before Seinfeld was in the news for little more than calling Lady Gaga a jerk, he was the co-creator and star of one of the most critically-acclaimed and popular sitcoms. Now he calls out ridiculous pop stars. How the mighty have fallen.

But there's no need to forget Seinfeld for what made him famous. Ridiculous amounts of TBS reruns and TV Fanatic's collection of Seinfeld quotes should keep you more than busy laughing.

Without further ado, we present to your our favorite quotes from the sophomore season:

Marlene: I can't be with someone if I don't respect what they do.
Jerry: You're a cashier! | permalink

Jerry: A relationship is an organism. You created this thing and then you starved it, so it turned against you. Same thing happened to the Blob. | permalink

Jerry: I didn't know she had a pony. How was I to know she had a pony? Who figures an immigrant's going to have a pony? Do you know what the odds are on that? I mean, in all the pictures I saw of immigrants on boats coming into New York harbor, I never saw one of them sitting on a pony. Why would anybody come here if they had a pony? Who leaves a country packed with ponies to come to a non-pony country? It doesn't make sense.. am I wrong? | permalink

Jerry: I had a leather jacket that got ruined. Now, why does moisture ruin leather? I don't get this. Aren't cows outside most of the time? I don't understand it. When it's raining do cows go up to the farmhouse, "Let us in, we're all wearing leather. Open the door! We're gonna ruin the whole outfit here!" "Is it suede?" "I am suede, the whole thing is suede, I can't have this cleaned. It's all I got!" | permalink

George: Instead of doing a wash, I just keep buying underwear. My goal is to have over 360 pair. That way I only have to do wash once a year. | permalink

Jerry: You have no idea what an idiot is.
George: Is that right? I just threw away a life time of guilt free sex and floor seats for every sporting event at Madison Square Gardens. So please, a little respect, for I am Costanza, Lord of the Idiots.
Roxanne: (cheering on marathon runners You're all winners!
George: But suddenly, a new contender has emerged. | permalink

Jerry: The best revenge is living well.
George: There's no chance of that. | permalink

George: What about like an announcer? Like a color man? You know how I always make those interesting comments during the game?
Jerry: Yeah. Yeah. You make good comments.
George: So? What about that?
Jerry: Well, they tend to give those jobs to ex-ballplayers and, ya know, people in broadcasting.
George: That's really not fair. | permalink

Kramer: Boy, they've got a great cafeteria downstairs. Hot food, sandwiches, a salad bar. It's like a Sizzler's opened up a hospital! | permalink

George: You ask me to have lunch, tell me you slept with Elaine, and then say you're not in the mood for details. Now you listen to me. I want details and I want them right now. I don't have a job, I have no place to go. You're not in the mood? Well you get in the mood! | permalink

George: Where are you living? Are you here? Are you on this planet? It's impossible. It can't be done. Thousands of years people have been trying to have their cake and eat it too. So all of a sudden the two of you are going to come along and do it. Where do you get the ego? No one can do it. It can't be done. | permalink

Jerry: New York to Long Island. Long Island to Florida. It's like the Bermuda Triangle. Unfortunately no one ever disappears. | permalink

Kramer: Cats run away all the time. You know, my aunt, she had a cat. Ran away. Showed up three years later. You never know. They've got things in their brains where they remember where they're from. Unless, of course, somebody else starts feeding him. See, that's what you've gotta worry about. | permalink

Jerry: Look I feel sorry for him too, but he'll get another job. I mean let's face it, it's not a profession in which you embellish your resume and undergo a series of gruelling interviews. | permalink

Classic TV Quotes: Seinfeld Season One

eric@tvfanatic.com (Eric Hochberger) — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 09:29:37 EST

When Seinfeld first premiere as The Seinfeld Chronicles on July 5, 1989, the pilot did not air to much success and NBC opted to not pick up the show. Luckily, we can all thank Rick Ludwin, an executive at NBC, for finding the budget for four more episodes of season one and giving the show another chance in 1990.

Of course, from there, Seinfeld took off to be one of the most critcally and commercially successful sitcoms, nay television shows of all time. So really, what Classic TV Quotes segment would be complete without Jerry and the gang?

With that in mind, we present you our favorite Seinfeld quotes from the extremely short season one. Whether it was Jerry stalking a girl outside her work in "The Stakeout" or Jrry trying to break up with a man in "Male Unbonding," the show had some pretty memorable episodes out of its five.

Without further ado, here's our favorite season one quotes:

Jerry: Let's face it, a date is a job interview that lasts all night. The difference between a date and job interview is not many interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end. | permalink

Jerry: Women know what men want,men know what men want. What do we want? We want women! | permalink

George: (to Jerry) I can't believe you want to bring in an extra bed for a woman who wants to sleep with you. Why don't you bring in an extra guy too?! | permalink

Jerry: Wait a second That's her on the right.
George: I forgot who I am! Who am I?!
Jerry: You're you. We're having lunch with Art Corvelay.
George: Vandelay!
Jerry: Corvelay!
George: Let me be the architect, I can do it! | permalink

Policeman: Let's see, that's uh, one TV, a stereo, one leather jacket, a VCR and a computer is that 'bout it?
Elaine: Answering machine.
Jerry: Answering machine. Oh, I hate the idea of someone out there returning my calls. | permalink

George: She calls me up at my office, she says, 'We have to talk.'
Jerry: Uch, the four worst words in the English language.
George: That, or 'Whose bra is this?' | permalink

George: I know a guy who took a vacation on his change.
Jerry: Yeah, Where'd he go, an arcade? | permalink

Jerry: I think Superman probably has a very good sense of humor.
George: I never heard him say anything really funny.
Jerry: But it's common sense. He's got super strength, super speed I'm sure he's got super humor. | permalink

Elaine: What evidence is there that cats are so smart anyway? What do they do? Because they're clean? I'm sorry. My uncle Pete showers four times a day and he can't count to 10 so don't give me hygiene. | permalink