Randy Marsh is the coach of South Park Elementary's football team. However, upon learning that kickoffs have been banned for player safety, he decides to do something about it. However, in sarcastically recommending to the PTA board that the kids should instead play "sarcastaball" where the goal is to hug and compliment the other players while a balloon is tossed around, the board actually goes for it, and Stan is too sarcastic to let it go. This eventually leads to the nation sarcastically replacing football with sarcastaball, and Randy becoming the head coach of sarcastaball. However, all the sarcasm gets to Randy, and he is unable to say anything serious in a satire of how football causes brain injuries to its players.
Meanwhile, Butters actually finds something that he's good at – motivating his teammates to play sarcastaball well. To help them, Butters gives them a special energy drink known as "Butter's Magical Goo" that helps sarcastaball players all over the world be nice and succeed at the mixed-up rules of the game.
It all comes to a head when Randy, trying to be serious, is given some of Butter's Magical Goo, and discovers the unmentionable substance that it really is. This leads to everyone thinking that sarcastaball has gone too far – and it's all Butters' fault.
Randy: Yeah, the players should all wear bras! And instead of helmets, they should wear little tin-foil hats, because you know, it's the future, and we shouldn't be so barbaric!
Principal Victoria: How will the bras and tin-foil hats make it safer?
Randy: Oh, you're all not getting it, see, while we're at it, we'll have a balloon instead of a ball, and whoever catches the ballon will tries to run while all the other players hug!
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Butters: Boy, I just don't get football. Guess that's why I suck at it.
Stan: You don't suck at football, Butters. You suck at all sports.
Butters: That's true!
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