The Hills - TV Fanatic

The Hills Series Finale Review: Fake!

steve@iscribelimited.com (Steve Marsi) — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 10:46:15 EST

You know the adage, all good things must come to an end.

In other news, The Hills aired its final episode last night.

On the much-anticipated finale, the crew made a series drastic moves that were mostly contrived - at least in the case of marquee "couple" Kristin Cavallari and Brody Jenner.

Lo's boyfriend asked her to move in with him, and she agreed. Audrina decided to move out of Hollywood. Stephanie had another date with Josh, the guy she met last week.

That's where the realism ended, unfortunately.

Our celebrity gossip site has a more in-depth review of The Hills series finale, but the basic gist was this: Bored with L.A., and spurned by Brody, Kristin is moving to Europe.

The Hills cast bid us farewell last night. Except Speidi. They were MIA.

She insisted her decision had nothing to do with Brody rejecting her and dating a new girl (Avril Lavigne), and that was true. It had nothing to do with any fake plan to move.

You see, Kristin and Brody are both seeing other people, and were putting on this whole charade for the show alone. Which is fine, except that it's billed as a reality show.

Brody pleaded with Kristin and asked her to not to leave, but she said that she really had to go far away to find herself. She even wiped a tear from his eye. Nauseating.

Then it was time for the most confusing ending to a series we've seen.

When Kristin drove off in her limo, the camera focused on Brody with the famous Hollywood sign in the background. It was only a painting, though, with cast and crew behind it.

This was revealed on air in a strange move leaving fans wondering just what it was supposed to mean. Did it signify the entire show was scripted and/or subject to interpretation?

It got worse, too. Kristin got out of the limo and hugged Brody, despite our belief that she was leaving the country with her heart broken by the lack of a relationship with him.

What a joke and a giant Eff You to fans who took it seriously ... not that anyone should have for the past several years now, but still. It's like they didn't even try. Good riddance.

The Hills Review: "Loves Me Not"

steve@iscribelimited.com (Steve Marsi) — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 10:22:11 EST

One more week.

Last night's episode of The Hills was so boring and chock full of fake drama, we just feel relieved that it's all coming to an end next Tuesday night. Bring on July 13!

Seriously, we used to love the show, openly and unabashedly. It was a favorite guilty pleasure. But that was 2007-2009, and here's what we're dealing with now:

None of our favorites (Lauren, Whitney and Speidi) are even on it. Take any other show and subtract the four most interesting people. Would you watch it?
We KNOW FOR A FACT the stories are fake since these are celebrities and events in their lives are chronicled weeks/months before this crap airs on MTV.

Heidi's mom sure does miss her on The Hills. We feel the same way.

Case in point, Kristin Cavallari finally put herself out there with Brody Jenner, telling him she wanted to give it a shot, but ouch - he told her he has a girlfriend.

This might have been semi-compelling were he not dating a FAMOUS MUSICIAN for months (Avril Lavigne) and if Kristin weren't DATING A HILLS CAMERAMAN.

The fact that they seemingly hang out 24/7 and he failed to mention this wasn't addressed, either. In any case, she did a nice job acting heartbroken/surprised.

Meanwhile, we were officially introduced to Lo's boyfriend of a year, Scott. He asked Lo to move in with him, but she resisted, looking for him to put a ring on it.

We'll see if he does ... or if anyone cares.

Stephanie Pratt met Josh, a guy she hits it off with immediately, since they both don't drink. Seriously, though, when did Stephanie Pratt become interesting.

And, of course, there's Speidi, noticeably absent but on the minds of her sister and mom, who spent the episode trying in vain to reach her and lamenting life.

If there was anything good about last night, it was the previews for next week's series finale of The Hills. How will these semi-real story lines conclude?

We'll find out and pop the champagne Tuesday.

The Hills Review: "Welcome to the Jungle"

steve@iscribelimited.com (Steve Marsi) — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 09:23:59 EST

The Hills' 100th episode was not one of its best. The reason? Well, there are many, but to sum up, it's just boring. There have been about 20-30 episodes too many at this point.

Tuesday, the crew marked the milestone with a trip to Costa Rica, which offered incredible scenery and reminders of how happy we are that the show's run mercifully ends soon.

One would think a Central American journey would mark a departure from stories we see in Los Angeles week after week, but rest assured, nothing really happened there either.

As our gossip site's Hills recap notes, it's hard to get into Kristin Cavallari's bid to make Brody Jenner jealous when 1. he doesn't care either, and 2. she's dating the cameraman.

How seriously can you take a show you know is fake?

The Hills, 100 episodes old, has run its course.

There's also the matter of characters who are neither likable or interesting. Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag could be awful individuals, sure, but they kept things spicy.

Wildly unpredictable, you just never knew what to expect from those plastic, passive-aggressive loose cannons. Now you have Lo and Steph, who serve zero purpose.

You also have Audrina Patridge, who's trying to come to grips with her feelings for on-again, off-again beau Justin-Bobby for what honestly seems like the thousandth time.

The guy is a loser. She can do better. He treats her like crap. Then he's nice once in awhile. He's got this bad boy air about him. We know, we know, we know. Move on!

As always, there were some high points, but few and far between. The Hills will call it a career July 13, and it's probably for the best. The cast has better things to do.

Like being professional celebrities.

The Hills Review: "Make Up to Break Up"

steve@iscribelimited.com (Steve Marsi) — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 08:37:08 EST

Week after week, The Hills continues to illustrate with crystal clarity why the current sixth season will be its last. It's run clear out of ideas and interesting people.

Lauren Conrad was a girl we fell in love with and made this guilty pleasure a can't-miss show for a time. But it wasn't just her departure that ruined the MTV hit.

Say what you will about Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag, they are interesting! The two villains have apparently been dropped, without any explanation, for good.

Now we're left with Audrina Patridge, the most boring individual ever, and Kristin Cavallari, who would be cute if she could tone down the bitchiness just a little.

Both of them are smitten with that loser Justin-Bobby. It seems every The Hills recap seems to eventually come back to this guy for years on end. What the H?!

Try as they might, Brody Jenner and Kristin Cavallari can't make The Hills.

Seriously, what is so appealing about this guy that TWO women will be trampled on by him time and time again, then go running back. He's not rich, famous OR good-looking!

Audrina even dumped Ryan Cabrera, who (hair aside) could be considered all three. The rocker is at least a really nice-seeming fella ... but no matter. He's no Justin-Bobby.

It's painful, really, to watch him come on board for her birthday boat trip, which ended with J.B. and Audrina sitting snuggled with a blanket on the boat's deck reminiscing.

What we wouldn't give for a "man overboard" twist as the credits roll.

The other thing that kills us is the "relationship" between Brody Jenner and Kristin Cavallari. We get it. They're friends with benefits. But that's just not interesting enough.

Watching them actually date would at least be somewhat appealing.

After all, don't they have this amazing chemistry we're reminded about every day by their co-stars? Let's see some of it and less of the same old BS for once in our lives.

The Hills Review: "Between a Rocker and a Hard Place"

steve@iscribelimited.com (Steve Marsi) — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 10:48:32 EST

The Hills really needs to get it together or get off the air.

Sorry, but the truth hurts. Much like losing Lauren Conrad hurt last season. This season is even worse, though, with the lack of Spencer and Heidi making the show downright boring.

People love to watch rich people bitch at each other, as The Hills and every Real Housewives installment have proven. But you need good girls and villains who will keep you invested.

Right now, try as it might, The Hills falls short on both.

Sadly, the closest we can to Heidi last night, as our gossip site's The Hills recap notes, was Kristin Cavallari with teased hair and huge earrings. All she lacks are 10 plastic surgeries.

Hair and music aside, Ryan Cabrera seems like a really good guy. That's basically kryptonite to Audrina Patridge, however. This is a girl that prefers bad boy losers to nice guys 24/7/365.

The main plot line last night centered on Audrina Patridge and Ryan Cabrera, her soon-to-be former boyfriend who's more into her than vice versa, from all recent indications.

Part of the reason she's so torn? Her, ex, Justin-Bobby is somehow back in the mix, despite proving his true colors (and those are loser colors) for multiple seasons already.

Seriously, MTV? Does anyone like/care about him?

The highlight of the episode, if you insist on trying to find one, came as Ryan and Justin finally met in an uncomfortable nightclub moment. Awkwardest. Handshake/high-five. Ever.

Meanwhile, Allie Lutz continued to stick up for McKaela Line (why these two became major players on the show, we have no idea), while Kristin continued to loathe her every move.

Kristin's pissed about Allie breaking into Brody's house, supposedly, and for existing in general. The nerve. McKaela is a bit of a lost soul here, unsure of how to react, and to what.

We were falling asleep by the end, but it appeared that McKaela just couldn't let go of Brody and continued to pursue him. As usual, though, he sides with his girl Kristin in the end.

At least until he decides he wants to play the field again.

The Hills Review: "The Company You Keep"

steve@iscribelimited.com (Steve Marsi) — Wed, 09 Jun 2010 09:34:58 EST

Tuesday night, The Hills continued to limp toward the finish line of what has been a storybook run ... a storybook that should have ended a few chapters ago, unfortunately.

Think about it. Spencer and Heidi got married. Lauren didn't want to be on it anymore. That was your finale right there, MTV. Last summer. Not the shell that remains now.

Instead of a guilty pleasure, now we're left feeling guilty about wasting a half hour of our lives watching the same, boring stories only with new people no one cares about.

Case in point? McKaela Line. The supposedly "innocent" beauty from out of town has been a focal point of recent episodes, dating Brody Jenner, working with Lo and so on.

The only problem? There's no way she's not keenly aware of what's going on, as the people she befriended are celebrities, and she was indoctrinated into the fold instantly.

Kristin Cavallari doesn't cut it as The Hills' leading lady.

All of this might be excusable if the drama were compelling, the stories less predictable or the people engaging. Not the case. Did we mention it's just not that interesting?

Last night, McKaela was emotionally stomach-punched twice, as she learned her friend, Allie Lutz, is viewed as a crazy person by pretty much everyone else on the show.

Naive to the drama that's gone before, supposedly, McKaela brings Allie to Stephanie Pratt's birthday celebration. Kristin and Brody are snuggled up. Awkward much?!

Kristin and Brody are furious that McKaela dare bring Allie, who supposedly once broke into Brody's home. Allie says that's not true, Kristin hurls insults, and so on.

After ignoring McKaela, Brody then chastises her as well for bringing Allie. Again, the recurring question in every recent Hills recap is this: are we supposed to care?

Hard as McKaela tries to remain level-headed and not get played, the girl succumbs to Brody's charms and still can't resist calling him the next day. They never can.

He ignores her call as Kristin crawls around the floor by his bed. If she's doing this just to become quasi-famous, then good job. If not, well, that's just plain pathetic.

Elsewhere, only slightly less pathetic is singer Ryan Cabrera, who Audrina Patridge is trying to push away to make room again for Justin Bobby. Yup, he's still around.

After three years, we've learned that Brody Jenner plays girls, and that Justin is bad for Audrina, and that she sabotages her own romantic life at every opportunity.

We've learned that these spoiled girls will start drama at clubs and insist that others are telling lies about them. We've learned they are too thin and sound like idiots.

Time to switch things up or call it a career, Hills.

The Hills Review: Gross From the Past

steve@iscribelimited.com (Steve Marsi) — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 09:48:25 EST

The Hills has never shied away from recycling idiots and story lines. This can be effective if you like the people and stories, but last night was the worst example of all time.

Justin-Bobby? Really guys? We haven't had enough of this "Ghost From the Past" over multiple seasons? Does anyone want to watch Audrina Patridge fawn over him again?

It's going to be epic. She's dating this other guy, Ryan Cabrera (even though she broke up with him in real life), and is going to be conflicted. The good guy vs. the bad guy.

They haven't done this several times before or anything.

Also funny? Expecting us to believe they ran into each other by chance at the Viper Room, and that Justin-Bobby has been in a band and we never knew about it until now.

The Hills is really scraping the bottom of the barrel now.

Just when you thought you'd seen the last of this loser.

Meanwhile, Kristin Cavallari has a hard time moving on from Brody Jenner, who brings naive new plaything McKaela around to make her jealous, and maybe get some as well.

This is Brody Jenner's game in a nutshell:

Hook up with Kristin
Tell Kristin they're just friends
Bring around some new girl to prove they're just friends
Watch Kristin get upset, comfort her and hook up again
Repeat

Brody has this down to a science and should patent it. Guys everywhere, take note. Girls everywhere, prepare to throw drinks in guys' faces when they attempt this maneuver.

Elsewhere, McKaela and Lo talk about working together. *BONK*

Whoa, sorry, that was the sound of our head hitting the desk, following the spontaneous nap that broke out. When you're doing Lo-McKaela scenes, guys, it's time to call it.

How many more seasons can this last? Fortunately, this is the final one, unless producers somehow reconsider. Hopefully they won't, it's growing rather stale and repetitive.

There's not even any Speidi to liven things up anymore! At least then you had the potential for serious, out-of-control erratic behavior, but nowadays? Just plain boredom.

The Hills Review: Please Make it End

steve@iscribelimited.com (Steve Marsi) — Wed, 26 May 2010 09:30:03 EST

There used to be a lot to like about The Hills.

If nothing else, you could count on rich prima donna twentysomethings stirring up petty arguments and maybe even physical altercation over really mundane conflicts.

That's good stuff right there. It's the same concept that makes The Real Housewives of New Jersey and their ilk so entertaining, too. They're guilty pleasures, basically.

No Hills recap can really do justice to how stale this feels, how fake and contrived, without even bringing any of the fun that used to make those points less of an issue.

Nowadays, though, The Hills is just plain dull. Lauren Conrad has moved on, villains Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag are apparently MIA and there is no entertainment.

Brody Jenner does his best to sleep through The Hills, but can't save it.

You don't have to do a lot to make a reality TV compelling, but you should put some people on the screen that people either love or love to hate. LC or Speidi, respectively.

Now we have story lines centering on Stephanie Pratt, his sister. Really? With Lo Bosworth and Audrina Patridge offering dating advice? This is really what we've sunk to?

We're not sure who we feel more sorry for, the guy dating Stephanie last night, Stephanie herself for getting advice from Audrina (the world's worst dater), or our interns.

We make them sit through this show. It's like hazing in a sense.

We like watching Brody Jenner hit on girls, and he and Kristin Cavallari have a nice thing going. But they can't carry the show on their own. They can't. We've seen it before.

Ooh, they're together but not? One of the two has different expectations than the other? What original writing! Almost as realistic as the newly-introduced "friends" they have.

After six seasons, you need something fresh. For MTV, that's going to come in the form of new shows, rather than new blood introduced into this one, which is fading fast.

There's not a lot else to say about "A New Bird." Other than that the network needs one, because this one flew the coop long ago ... right around when Lauren Conrad did.

The Hills Review: "This is Goodbye"

steve@iscribelimited.com (Steve Marsi) — Wed, 19 May 2010 10:11:03 EST

Tuesday night's installment of The Hills was called "This is Goodbye."

This is also true of the show, which ends this summer, thankfully.

As episodes of The Hills go, last night's wasn't particularly bad. It just wasn't particularly good, or intriguing for any reason. No drama, nothing we haven't already seen play out 100 times before, both on the show and in real life via celebrity gossip tabloids.

Last night's top two story lines (term used loosely):

Brody Jenner has feelings for Audrina Patridge. He also has feelings for Kristin Cavallari. Audrina has a boyfriend. He hooks up with Kristin instead. The next day, they say they like what they have going, but also like being single. Solid.
Spencer Pratt is increasingly angry and erratic. Heidi Montag stands by him and has no friends. They are basket cases. All their family and friends agree to ditch them.

Okay, consider yourselves caught up!

Recent episodes of The Hills are about as enticing Heidi Montag's face.

You could sit through worse, we imagine ... but now that Heroes has been canceled, even that might be a stretch. This is just so boring and devoid of any of its original appeal.

Seriously guys? We get it, Spencer is crazy. Heidi has changed a lot. They have isolated themselves. This has been going on for four freaking years! Just pull the plug already!

As for Brody's romantic interests, fake as they seem, we don't imagine it's tough for him to assume the playboy role. Especially when he doesn't even have to commit after.

The Hills Review: "Elephant in the Room"

steve@iscribelimited.com (Steve Marsi) — Wed, 12 May 2010 09:57:02 EST

Last night's episode of The Hills, "Elephant in the Room," featured contrived romantic entanglements and Spencer Pratt absolutely going off on Heidi Montag's family.

Basically, it was like almost every other episode of The Hills.

Beginning with the former category, Ryan Cabrera (yes, the lame singer) is having dinner with Audrina Patridge. These two have been dating for some time and seem happy.

That's not what MTV wants you to think, though. Brody Jenner is dead set on pretending to want Audrina, even though he could've had her last year but chose Jayde Nicole.

Kristin Cavallari, meanwhile, is pondering a romance with Brody, who she used to date before fake-dating Justin-Bobby and before he was with Jayde (and LC before that).

It's all the same, only the names change. And it's all dull.

Fortunately, the great Spencer Pratt offered some classic quotes.

Elsewhere, Heidi Montag is planning a birthday party for cute neighbor kid Enzo, whose parents must really need the money to subject their son to this dysfunctional nonsense.

Brody later called the party the most awkward of his life. That can't be far off.

The elephant in the room, of course, is Heidi's plastic surgery and how Spencer loathes her family's reaction to her transformed face and body. The tension grows palpable.

He lashes out hard at Holly. He bashes their mother. He blows his top, even worse than Spencer Pratt usually does. Calling her mom "just a vagina" ... wow, dude. Wow.

Holly tells Heidi she was really shocked by some of the things Spencer said, that she felt "disrespected" and is unhappy about how Spencer treated her and their mom.

He retaliates that he was proud of himself for not saying what he really wanted to her ... and tells her to please leave the premises or he will call the cops. Really.

Holly says that he scares her. We're with her ... but very much entertained.