Thursdays 8:30 PM on CBS
Two-and-a-half-men

Two and a Half Men Season 7

"Gumby with a Pokey"

When Charlie smokes a little medicinal marijuana haunting visions of all his exes come back.

  • 4.0 / 5.0
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
"This Is Not Gonna End Well"

When Charlie loses his license, Jake becomes his driver; Alan plans on attending Chelsea's birthday party.

  • 3.0 / 5.0
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
"I Called Him Magoo"

Alan tries to have a nice hotel getaway weekend with his girlfriend, Lyndsay; Charlie orders the girlfriend experience from a prostitute.

  • 2.5 / 5.0
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
"Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His Grave"

Alan is not a fan of Jake's new bad boy friend, but is definitely a fan of his hot mother; Charlie struggles to write a theme song.

  • 3.5 / 5.0
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
"Ixnay on the Oggie Day"

Charlie runs into Chelsea's friend, Gail (Tricia Helfer); Alan starts doing in home care for an older red head (Frances Fisher).

  • 3.5 / 5.0
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
"I Found Your Moustache"

Charlie and Alan run into Chelsea at the movie theater, prompting Chelsea to visit Charlie for a one night stand.

  • 3.5 / 5.0
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
"Tinkle Like a Princess"

After Chelsea moves the rest of her things out of the house, Charlie goes on a bender that ends with him marrying another woman in Vegas.

  • 2.5 / 5.0
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
"Aye, Aye Captain"

Chelsea returns from her night with Brad and Charlie's jealousy sends her packing.

  • 3.0 / 5.0
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
"Crude and Uncalled For"

Alan gets arrested and Chelsea becomes friendly with his lawyer, Brad (Steven Eckholdt).

  • 3.0 / 5.0
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
"Yay, No Polyps!"

Charlie ends up getting a colonoscopy to avoid seeing Chelsea's parents when they come to visit.

"Fat Jokes, Pie, & Celeste"

Charlie tries to talk to Jake as he misses Celeste; Alan and Herb bond over what they have in common.

"Warning, it's Dirty"

Charlie helps teach Jake about infidelity while Celeste is out of town; Evelyn invites legendary tv producer Marty Pepper (Carl Reiner) to their Christmas dinner.

"That's Why They Call It Ball Room"

Charlie goes for ball room dancing with Chelsea and when he asks for a prenup discovers Chelsea has money to protect.

"Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair"

Charlie fails to please Chelsea in the bedroom and plans an elaborate night out to make up for it; Alan uses spray-on hair to prepare for an online date.

"Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle."

Chelsea invites her beautiful college roommate, Gail (Tricia Helfer) to come stay in the house.

"Untainted by Filth"

After Charlie sets a wedding date with Chelsea, he finds himself in a bed with Alan and a strange woman.

"Give Me Your Thumb"

When Alan suggests that Chelsea get a boob reduction to help with her back problems, Charlie kicks him out of the house.

"For the Sake of the Child"

When Jake is too embarrassed to stay with the boys, they attempt to work out their "relationship" problems.

"Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator"

Alan begins working for Evelyn; Charlie tries to bring Chelsea and Jake closer

"Mmm, fish. Yum."

Alan cares for Judith's new baby and her mother; Jake blackmails Charlie with a photo he wants kept private

"Whipped Unto the Third Generation"

Charlie's fiance, Chelsea, convinces him to let Alan's girlfriend, Melissa, to move in and the girls take over.

"818-jklpuzo"

After Charlie bumps into Mia at the cafe; he agrees to help her record an album with Chelsea's blessing. Alan, meanwhile, wants Melissa to move in.

Show:
Season:
7
Air Dates:
to
Total Episodes:
22

Two and a Half Men Season 7 Quotes

Alan: You plan on kicking me out when mom dies?
Charlie: You plan on being here when mom dies?

Jake [about his sister]: So far she eats, she poops and she sleeps. I'm not impressed
Berta: Give her a bad hair cut and she'd be you
Jake: Excuse you, I paid $9 for this haircut
Berta: Sorry

×