Archer Quotes from "Archer Vice: House Call"

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Click through the best Archer quotes from this Season 5 episode now. These lines crack us up!

1. I was concerned about you - blow me!

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I was concerned about you - blow me!

I was concerned about you - blow me!

2. Nah, Cheryl's gone. I'm Cherlene now. And if somebody don't fry me 6 goddamn eggs and some...

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Lana: Cheryl?
Cheryl: Nah, Cheryl's gone. I'm Cherlene now. And if somebody don't fry me 6 goddamn eggs and some Carolina fries I would personally be shocked, SHOCKED I tell ya, if by morning this place ain't burned to the ground.

Lana: Cheryl? Cheryl: Nah, Cheryl's gone. I'm Cherlene now. And if somebody don't fry me 6 goddamn eggs and some Carolina fries I would...

3. I'll be watching you like a hawk. That's been bred with an eagle...to produce some kind of...

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I'll be watching you like a hawk. That's been bred with an eagle...to produce some kind of eagle-eyed superhawk...with a badge.

Hawley
I'll be watching you like a hawk. That's been bred with an eagle...to produce some kind of eagle-eyed superhawk...with a badge.

4. I bought a T-Shirt once that said "Female Body Inspector.

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Hawley: What do you people think the letters FBI stands for?
Archer: I bought a T-Shirt once that said "Female Body Inspector.

Hawley: What do you people think the letters FBI stands for? Archer: I bought a T-Shirt once that said "Female Body Inspector.

5. You wouldn't know the truth if it bit you on the ass and held on, would ya!

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You wouldn't know the truth if it bit you on the ass and held on, would ya!

Ron
You wouldn't know the truth if it bit you on the ass and held on, would ya!

6. So if I were you, I'd run out that door while I still had a chance. I'd also waste 5 precious...

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So if I were you, I'd run out that door while I still had a chance. I'd also waste 5 precious minutes of my head start in the race to freedom, giving that swell guy Archer a combination thank-you-goodbye blow job.

So if I were you, I'd run out that door while I still had a chance. I'd also waste 5 precious minutes of my head start in the race to...

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Archer Quotes

Cyril: Archer, do something!
Archer: Who am I, Alan Turing? He was also in X-Men, remember?

I swear to god you could drown a toddler in my panties right now.

Pam