Archer Quotes from "Archer Vice: House Call"

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13. This is only somewhat like that old gypsy woman said!!

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This is only somewhat like that old gypsy woman said!!

Cheryl
This is only somewhat like that old gypsy woman said!!

14. From an overdose of cocaine cake?!

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Malory: Well, she won't go to rehab and you won't let her die with dignity...
Lana: From an overdose of cocaine cake?!

Malory: Well, she won't go to rehab and you won't let her die with dignity... Lana: From an overdose of cocaine cake?!

15. Oh my God, and little kids eat it!?

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Malory: It's good because it's cocaine!
Archer: Oh my God, and little kids eat it!?

Malory: It's good because it's cocaine! Archer: Oh my God, and little kids eat it!?

16. Ron, next time get shot in the head.

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Ron: Next time remind me to get shot in the head!
Archer: Ron, next time get shot in the head.

Ron: Next time remind me to get shot in the head! Archer: Ron, next time get shot in the head.

17. Really - cause you never think of those two as having their shit together.

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Malory: Who uses Metric?
Lana: Every single country on the planet except for us, Liberia and Burma!
Archer: Really - cause you never think of those two as having their shit together.

Malory: Who uses Metric? Lana: Every single country on the planet except for us, Liberia and Burma! Archer: Really - cause you never...

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Archer Quotes

Cheryl: What the stupid shit are you doing??
Cyril: You said you wanted watermelon.
Cheryl: Watermelon's red?
Cyril: Yes. How do you not know that?
Cheryl: Who am I? Charles Frederick Andress?

Cyril: Why are you so scared of crocodiles?
Archer: Gee, I don't know, Cyril. Maybe deep down I'm afraid of any apex predator that lived through the K-T extinction. Physically unchanged for a hundred million years, because it's the perfect killing machine. A half ton of cold-blooded fury, the bite force of 20,000 Newtons, and stomach acid so strong it can dissolve bones and hoofs.