Californication
Recaps

This week's episode of Californication, called "The Apartment," really made a huge comeback after last week's slump!

In the newest episode, Hank has a string of unsolicited visitors to his apartment, which results in games of hide and seek that are reminiscent of something out of Three's Company - we totally loved this week's episode! Did you? Let us know what you thought after reading our full recap of the episode!

For now, some musings on Hank and his female predicament:

Stacy Koons calls Hank the "girl whisperer," since women fall all over him even when he's such a jackass most of the time. There really is something special about Hank and Hank really nails it on the head when trying to explain to Becca why he behaves the way he does.

He did have good intentions with each of these women - with Jackie, he wanted to show her she had potential and could be more than just a stripper, with Jill he wanted her to have self-confidence again, and with Felicia, he wanted her to know that she deserved to be happy. But of course by being with these women and showing them how each of them is special, he's going to have them fall in love with him! Isn't that exactly what every woman is looking for?

But now that he's built up all these women, he's afraid to let them down, it seems. Is that why he's having so much trouble breaking it off with them? He has so many great opportunities to just end things, especially in this episode, yet he doesn't do ANYTHING!

Stacey asks Hank point blank if he loves Felicia - obviously he doesn't love Felicia, and things are falling apart left and right at the apartment, but he just doesn't say anything and waits to be saved by the arrival of Becca and Chelsea. Why doesn't he say anything??? It just doesn't seem realistic or true to Hank's character... it does make sense if the writers are just trying to drag out this storyline a bit further.. but come on!

I can't wait for this story line to come to an arc - let's get Karen back in there because you know she'll be kicking ass and taking names!

Here's a look at a few of our favorite Californication quotes from the hour:

Jackie: No more grinding up on middle-aged hard-ons for me, except for yours of course. | permalink

Rick Springfield: Nothing like the sound of a stripper's head on a hard-wood floor.
Hank: What the f**k is wrong with you?
Rick: What, oh you don't rough 'em up? Well excuse me George Bailey... | permalink

Stacey: You obviously have this thing with women, some very strong connection, that no matter what you do, no matter how big of an ass you are, they seem to respond - you're a goddamn girl whisperer! | permalink

Welcome to the mid-season slump! Talk about a boring episode! In the most recent episode of Californication, "So Here's the Thing," Hank almost breaks up with all of his campus affairs, but he doesn't succeed at all... so the 29 minutes of the show is pretty much a bunch of failures in communication - but not at all funny. There weren't even any witty one-liners this episode! Snore!

And iconic actor Peter Fonda made a cameo as one of Sue Collini's most important clients. There really was no story line here - he threatens to join another agency, and then concedes within 5 minutes - all within the same scene. Zzzzz...

Ah, yes! There was one redeeming moment of the episode! During Hank's unsuccessful break-up lunch with Jill, she sees her ex boyfriend who wasted years of her life (and most importantly, her reproductive golden years) in a relationship with her and who had dumped her because he wasn't ready for marriage.

But she almost dies when she sees him with a woman donning a huge diamond engagement ring. Hank's performance is stellar - he walks up to this "egg waster" and pretends to be his former lover informing him of STDs he may have passed on to him during their relationship! Silly Hank - those heroic acts won't really work in your favor is you're trying to get the girl to dump you!

We hope that next week we'll turn in the bore for some more of the man-whore and his usual shenanigans. Check out our recap of tonight's episode and let us know what you think!

As for our favorite Californication quotes from the hour, we've listed a few below...

Becca: Actually Dad, yes, this house is a bordello, because that's how it's run by you. | permalink

Hank: I do some of my best work from the bottom. You know why? Hands free - it's like sexual blue tooth. | permalink

Sue: You're Runkle, you'd whack it to a cat dancing on YouTube. | permalink

Karen is back in LA and she's kicking ass and taking names! 

Boy, does she have Hank's number - but, she's not too concerned with his sexual exploits - what she is concerned about is Becca. This mama bear feels threatened and the claws come out - against the Koons', who she criticizes for poor parenting, but look who's talking!

Of course, whenever a teenager is acting horrible, the parent is going to blame it on the bad influence best friend. Chelsea's parents are the cool aloof parents who aren't bothered by teenage rebellion - Karen is high strung when she hears the girls break into a wine stash to get drunk and find Chelsea's parents drinking as well. The Koons' are all too cool about everything - remember how Felicia responded to hearing about the girls' smoking Hank's pot? No big deal! Well, for Karen, everything is a big deal, especially when her little girl is so far away from her.

Now, I know that most teenagers are horrendous and irritating, but it's so much worse with Becca since she's like half robot or something! Initiating anger emotion sequence! It's so bizarre! She even whines in a monotone - if that's even possible...

Who knew that machines could develop attachments? It's funny that Becca doesn't want to leave LA because Chelsea is her only friend who accepts her for who she is. First of all, it's weird that Becca would be friends with the "weird kid" who doesn't have any other friends - Becca is archetype for popular: blonde, pretty and rich. Second, duh! No one is going to accept you for who you are in Los Angeles! Has she ever been to NYC? She'll have so many more friends there! Teenagers can be so stupid. Get her packing, Karen!

Check out the complete details of tonight's episode, "Glass Houses," in our recap and let us know what you thought of the show!

Among our favorite Californication quotes from the hour:

Hank: To our beautiful family, our black President, and my magnificent dong. | permalink

Hank: You look like America's next top smurf. | permalink

Rick Springfield: I made a girl come seven times once.
Marcy: Over the course of an entire relationship? | permalink

Hank: What are you doing moping in the fridge, 80's pop legend Rick Springfield is stealing your girl - not Jesse's girl - Runkle's girl. | permalink

This week's episode of Californication was called "Slow Happy Boys," but it's another installment of men behaving badly, with Hank and Charlie doing their usual thing and guest star Kevin Corrigan playing Hank's wayward former best-friend, Mike Zlosowski, or "Zlos."

Zlos just doesn't know how to behave in LA - apparently, he doesn't know proper etiquette for dealing with lap dancing strippers and misleading transexuals. He's getting an education this weekend, nonetheless.

Hank is screwing around some more with his student, Jackie. We like Jackie as a character, but it just gets annoying that Hank sleeps with everyone. It's totally predictable now, and since the romantic conflict between Hank and Karen is null (since characters are abiding by a "don't ask don't tell" policy), there really is nothing exciting about Hank's sexual exploits.

But, me thinks there is hope! Since Karen surprised Hank with a visit, tensions are sure to grow! A lot of what made this show great in its first two seasons was the family drama, and that has been entirely missing this season! (Becca being an obnoxious teenager does not count!)

And Charlie's behavior is once again reprehensible. I just don't understand it. He wants to be with Marcy, but then he ends up in bed with two skanky strippers in this episode? I understand that Marcy was angry that Charlie was potentially infected with some gnarly STDs from Daisy, but she didn't say they were finished.

She was just pissed off - why would we then go out and sleep with other women who are not Marcy, when he has been doing nothing but bitching and moaning the last few episodes??? 

Tonight's episode had cameos of Californication alum Daisy (Carla Gallo), and newcomer Stephen Root playing Sue Collini's wheelchair bound husband, Dickie. With each of them, we only got a taste, but it left us wanting to see more of them on future episodes!

Read our complete recap of tonight's episode, and let us know what you think.

Below, we've listed our top Californication quotes from the night:

Hank: Just warning you! Something post-pubescent and wicked your way comes. | permalink

Hank: Where'd that plane come from, 1987? You look exactly the same! And that smell! What is that booze, cigarettes and Drakkar Noir - it takes me right back! | permalink

Daisy: Let me tell you, this is some really pernicious s**t! My Vagina looks like downtown Baghdad right now. | permalink

Becca: Merry f**king Christmas. Can we go home already?
Hank & Karen: Shut up! | permalink

More and more, Californication is beginning to resemble work from David Duchovony's early fame: Red Shoe Diaries! Once charming and intelligent, the dialog is mostly just crass and predictable, and the story lines are practically ripped directly from soft porn.

Sex is the core focus on the show, but the direction has changed, and it's a little much, don't you think? 

While somewhat disappointed with the game, we're not at all disappointed with the some of the players. Two words: Eva Amurri. She plays Jackie, Hank's student who moonlights as a stripper. Did you see her naked body? Unbelievable! Mother Susan Sarandon must be so proud! And when and if you get past the incredible bod, she is still a very likable character. We hope she sticks around for a while!

What's your take on the most recent episode? See our full recap of tonight's episode, "Zoso", in the episode guide.

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Our favorite Californication quotes from the night:

Hank: It's not your fault. I'm like fly paper for the emotionally disturbed. | permalink

Hank: So you're suggesting I should dump this whole writer thing and reinvent myself as a Hollywood manwhore? | permalink

Hank: Hideous creatures these teenage girls.
Felicia: Monstrous, couldn't agree with you more.
Hank: Is it too late to drown them in the tub? | permalink

Women invariably find Hank Moody's personality appalling and then absolutely irresistible. It is unbelievable!

In "Verities and Balderdash," Hank is winning over the University women, and even bringing Becca back on his side. Charlie must also be learning some tricks from Hank, as he is beginning to work some magic on Marcy, but he inevitably screws things up as only Charlie Runkle can.

Read our full recap for all the details of their exploits from tonight's episode. 

Our favorite Californication quotes from the week included:

Hank: Do we think the ladies have gone too far with the sex positive feminism? I mean I know they're all down with the pornography and the shaved pudenda and what not, but do we really think this is the path to liberation? | permalink

Hank: Are you sexually harassing me right now? Because if you are, I think I'm going to have to report you - for giving me a serious boner. | permalink

Hank: She's not much one for chatting - texting, yes - twittering, tweeting, twatting, staring solemnly at the old man. | permalink

Becca: Sometimes I think I'd be happy to stay a virgin forever. Seems like once you get laid -
Chelsea: Your life basically turns to s**t? | permalink

In typical Californication fashion, this episode tackles sensitive topics like rape and suicide with a tactlessness that makes viewers literally LOL in disbelief!

Ed Westwick guest stars in this episode as a depressed, sexually confused, vampire-loving writing student.

Unfortunately, his newly minted orofessor, Hank Moody, isn't really mentor material. Read on for the complete recap of this week's episode, titled "Land of Rape and Honey."

We've listed a few of our favorite Californication quotes from the hour below:

Hank: At least I'm not tucking my dong in class, not with my pants off anyway.
Felicia: Have you taken the sexual harassment seminar yet? | permalink

Charlie: If you and I were trapped on a desert island, it would only be a matter of time before I was putting it in your pooper. | permalink

Charlie: Can I ask you a question, Sue?
Sue: The answer is yes, I would love a face ride. | permalink

Marcie: What are you thinking?
Charlie: Guess I thought it was something you might enjoy. You know, and maybe in the middle, you'd be like, 'God, I really do love this schmuck.'
Marcie: You thought that in the middle of raping me, I'd realize how much I love you? | permalink

Season 3 of Californication is finally here! Hank Moody is back to his old tricks - and we love it!

Read all about what happened in the season premiere in our episode guide.

A few of our favorite Californication quotes from the hour:

Hank: Wait a second...you guys are stoned!
Becca: Dad, please!
Hank: Tell me where you got the weed, I will kill the motherf***er, tell me!
Becca: In your typewriter. | permalink

Charlie: I've been collecting passes all morning. it's too long, it's too self-indulgent, it's too hateful, too misogynistic, it's too soft, it's too mean-spirited..
Hank: Like those are bad things? | permalink

Hank: I know you're saving the planet and all, but it doesn't give you the right to be an asshole! | permalink

Hank Moody: Life is too short to dance with fat girls. | permalink