Melrose Place
Round Table

Did Heather Locklear's return to Melrose Place live up to the hype?

Are Riley and Jonah the most boring couple on television?

Just how hot was the Auggie/Violet sex scene?

Our staff answers those questions and more in this edition of the Melrose Place Round Table. We encourage reader feedback on all the topics below...

Grade the return of Amanda Woodward.
M.L. House: N/A. This is like grading the President after 100 days in office. Sure, Amanda delivered the occasional bitchy line and it was great. But until we see where the show is going with her character, it's too early to judge.

Dr. Shepherd: A. This is Melrose Place. Like Gossip Girl, when it loses its edge, its other flaws are hard to ignore. What is a prime time CW soap when its plot lines and characters are boring (see question #2 below)? Enter Heather Locklear. She actually lived up to the hype and Amanda's whirlwind, take-no-prisoners return gave the show a shot in the arm last night.

The Barnacle: C. As in: I was happy to see her on the show again!

Riley and Jonah: sweet and loving? Or lame and boring?
M.L. House: It is possible to make viewers interested in a a dedicated, loyal couple. Just look at Eric and Tami on Friday Night Lights. But that requires great acting and solid storytelling. Seeing as Melrose Place showcases neither of these elements, we really need Riley and Jonah to break up, make a sex tape or do something interesting. Soon.

Dr. Shepherd: They're certainly both, and that's an issue. The show needs a (small) moral compass, yes, but what happened to the tension between these two that has been building for weeks? It wasn't present at all last night, just one week removed from when things started to get interesting with Ella blatantly coming on to Jonah.

The Barnacle: Zzzzz. Riles, get off your high horse. It's modeling. Everything's superficial, even bios.

Continue Reading...

With one more week to go until the debut of Heather Locklear, Melrose Place aired an episode that focused a lot on relationships.

There was Violet and Michael; Violet and Auggie; Jonah and Riley; Jonah and Ella; Lauren and David.

What went down with each of these characters? Our staff has gathered to discuss them in another edition of the Melrose Place Round Table. As always, we encourage reader feedback on the questions, answers and topics below...

Will we ever see Auggie again?
M.L. House: Riley. Yes, he has to return to get his pink slip... errr, I mean answer his arrest warrant. Even if he's innocent, he could get in major trouble running from the law.

Dr. Shepherd: I'm worried we may not. Someone needs to organize a search party ASAP. I nominate Violet. We just got a tip that he may be hiding from the cops in a secret city at the bottom of the ocean. The only way to get there is to charter a boat 10 miles due west of L.A., strap cinderblocks to your feet and jump into the abyss.

The Barnacle: Wait, Auggie didn't appear on the episode last night?!? Perhaps the fact that I didn't notice says a lot about his impact on the show.

Jonah: A loyal fiance, or a total moron?
M.L. House: Can't it be both?!? Sure, Jonah showed respect for Riley by now not sticking his lens inside Ella (if you know what I mean!), but that also made him a moron for not... sticking his lens inside Ella (if you know what I mean!).

Dr. Shepherd: The puzzling thing is that he will get on his high horse after clearly enjoying his lunchtime role play experience, and having kissed cute director girl like two days ago. If you wanna stay with Riles, fine, but don't act like you're Mr. Loyal, Jonah. On a side note, are you insane? Or unable to see how good Ella looked last night?

The Barnacle: A loyal moron and a total fiance! This guy is more whipped than the type of cream many people put on top of sundaes. Ella didn't just wanna have sex with Jonah. She wanted to have middle-of-the-day-I'm-gonna-prove-I'm-hotter-than-your-fiancee-sex! The only type of sex that tops that would be a conjugal visit.

Continue Reading...

Welcome to the latest edition of the Melrose Place Round Table!

Our staff writers have gathered to discuss the guiltiest pleasure on television, a show that's so poor on so many levels that it's quite entertaining.

This week, we pick apart the Jonah/Riley relationship; pity Ashlee Simpson's castmates; and compare major guest stars. As always, reader feedback is encouraged. Let's do this...

Who will end the relationship: Jonah or Riley?
JonahBro: Riley. You do know that the movie assistant girl is played by Jenna Dewan, right? She's married to Channing Tatum. No way will Jonah mess with that tough guy's woman.

SimsCity: Jonah. As we saw last night, the dude's got some trust issues. Not to mention some geeky, smoking hot director's assistant ready to work over his... script.

DaphneZunigaWillHaveHerRevenge: Violet. That psycho will do something to ensure these two call it quits.

What was the episode's best/worst line of dialogue?
JonahBro: Auggie, reminding us all why we're human: because we have moments. Thank goodness he's here.

SimsCity: Ella to Jo: "Maybe Riley wasn't the only one posing out there today." Despite her bitchy facade, she had Riley's back. You could say she's under her umbrella-Ella-Ella. I'm cleaning out my desk at TV Fanatic after that one. But before I do, as a close second, even though it's not a quote, I choose Lauren's signature facial expression. Smiles from her this season? 0. Pouted-lips quasi-frowns? 276.

DaphneZunigaWillHaveHerRevenge: Riley telling Jonah: "I don't need to see your name in the opening credits to know I'm marrying the perfect guy." He wasn't so perfect when you kissed Auggie, was he, Riles? Was he?!?!

Continue Reading...

Welcome to this first edition of the Melrose Place Round Table!

Following each new episode, our staff will gather and analyze the most recent developments, quotes and storylines from The CW series. We start, of course, with this week's series premiere.

Topics for this edition include new characters, Jonah and Riley, Sydney's killer and more...

Who is your favorite new character?
JonahBro: Jonah. He reminds me of an older Seth Cohen and makes me think Rachel Bilson might eventually appear on the show.

MelroseFace: Violet. Just kidding!!! I'll go with Auggie. That closing scene made me intrigued by him.

DaphneZunigaWillHaveHerRevenge: There's more than one? I was unaware that Ella had a supporting cast around her.

How long until Jonah and Riley break up?
JonahBro: Never! Jiley 4 eva! These two are like the Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart of Melrose Place.

MelroseFace: By episode four, when Jonah realizes that Riley does not look like Ella and has less personality than Andrew Shue.

DaphneZunigaWillHaveHerRevenge: Things go swimmingly until she schedules the wedding for the same weekend as ComicCon '10. Life choices ensue.

Continue Reading...