The Tuesday Gossip Girl Reality Index

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Every Tuesday, the previous night's Gossip Girl episode is reviewed by New York Magazine and assigned scores according to its arbitrary "reality index."

Below are some of the highlights, realistic and otherwise, from the publication's meticulous, hilarious of this week's episode, "The Serena Also Rises" ...

  • Laurel: "Kirsten Dunst? So 2007. Her rehab barely made the radar.” Plus 2, because that is kind of totally true and Plus 5 for awesome bridge-burning. 
  • How come Eleanor Waldorf lets teenagers decide everything for her? Minus 6.
  • Plus 2 for Dan Humphrey, after all his chatter about getting out of his comfort zone and the bravado of punching the guy in the club, melting into a puddle of teen angst about how his dad will react the second he and Chuck end up in jail.
  • Minus 1 for Jenny wearing a string of Jell-O cubes around her neck.
    Jennifer Humphrey
  • Blair takes out her rage at being usurped by Serena on Jenny, perpetuating a centuries-old cycle of girl-on-girl bullying. Plus 8.
  • Minus 3 because why doesn’t anybody ever rat out Blair to her mom? Is she the only one who gets to call in adults in case of emergency?
  • Of course Bart hired a private investigator to follow Lily. Plus 2, and of course she didn’t end up caring once he gives her jewelry. Plus 2.
  • Dan and Chuck in jail? No way. Cops never get called to exclusive clubs, and if they did, the perpetrators would never get arrested. Minus 4.
  • It's about time the Blair vs. Serena jealousy-insecurity thing came to a head again. Plus 10 to Gossip Girl writers for putting that out there.
  • The next episode teaser shows Serena and Blair at Yale. Could they be setting the stage for Gossip Girl to spin off into a college drama? Plus 5 for dreamers who dream dreams. But minus 5 because Serena would never get into Yale.

Steve Marsi is the Managing Editor of TV Fanatic. Follow him on Google+ or email him here.


Gossip Girl Quotes

And who am I? That's one secret I'll never tell ... You know you love me. XOXO, Gossip Girl

Gossip Girl

[to Jenny] That's the thing. You need to be cool to be queen. Anne Boleyn thought only with her heart and she got her head chopped off. So her daughter Elizabeth made a vow never to marry a man. She married a country. Forget boys. Keep your eye on the prize, Jenny Humphrey. You can't make people love you, but you can make them fear you. For what it's worth, you're my Queen. I choose you.