The Office Quotes and 30 Rock Quotes

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Thursday, from 9-10 p.m. on NBC, may be the funniest hour of TV out there. With The Office and 30 Rock back-to-back, the Peacock sure cranks out the laughs.

These shows produce so many great lines, TV Fanatic decided to compile the funniest quotes - organized by character and by episode (every episode) - for you!

Search by your favorite character and/or episode, and be sure to check back each week, because we update these pages with new quotes as soon as possible:

Jack Donaghy Picture
Michael Scott Picture
Liz Lemon Photograph
Dwight Schrute Picture

Steve Marsi is the Managing Editor of TV Fanatic. Follow him on Google+ or email him here.

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The Office Quotes

Dwight: What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris, by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years; she's never taken another lover. I don't care, I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.

Michael