House Quotes from Season One

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The staff at Princeton Plainsboro can be relied upon for an impressive medical diagnosis.

And a few hilarious one-liners per episode!

Vote on your favorite House quotes right now by following our link, as you also browse through a variety of utterances from the show's first season below...


House: The truth of the human condition is that everyone lies. The only variable is about what.

Stacy: God, you're an idiot.
House: I think I'm more of a jerk.

House: Men are pigs - you have nothing to worry about. They will pretty much have sex with anyone - young, old, heavy, thin, complete strangers, relatives.
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Dr. Cameron: His heart rate is 130 and rising like a Randy Johnson line drive.
House: 'A' for effort.

House: You check her E.K.G. results before she left the other day?
Dr. Wilson: You ordered it.
House: You're the responsible one.

House: Love the outfit. It says "I'm a professional, but I'm still a woman." Actually, it sort of yells the second part.
Dr. Cuddy: Yeah, and your big cane is real subtle too.

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House Quotes

[To Foreman} That'd be redundant. I've got an angry black guy waiting for me to drop the soap right here.

House

(To Cuddy) If it turns out she has Meningitis, you're right, you win. But if we go back downstairs and she dies, pfft... your face will be so red!

House