The Office Recap: "Heavy Competition"

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Best friend vs. best friend.

Former boss vs. former employer.

Mentor vs. student.

On last night's episode of The Office, Dwight and Michael engaged in an epic feud, spurred on by Dwight's newfound affection for Charles Minor.

Who got the best of it? Read our recap of "Heavy Competition" and find out!

Dwight Schrute Picture
World's Best Boss

We've collected a few of the best The Office quotes from this week below. Enjoy...

Michael: I have dibs. Do you respect dibs?
Dwight: (scoffs) I'm not a barbarian. | permalink
Pam: (watching Michael on the phone, consulting a Rolodex card) It took me a month to put all his Rolodex numbers into his Blackberry, which he now uses as a nightlight. | permalink
Michael: (talking to Dwight on phone) I want you to listen to me, friend, and I want you to listen to me good. I'm going to come at you, and I'm going to come at you hard. I'm going to steal all of your clients, and then I'm going to kill them in front of you. | permalink

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The Office Quotes

Dwight: What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris, by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years; she's never taken another lover. I don't care, I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.

Michael