We have a confession to make. We really love us some Melrose Place. The cheese factor and melodrama are off the charts, but remind us vividly of the original's heyday.

Add a smoking hot cast? Wow. You've got yourself a real guilty pleasure, CW.

That said, Ashlee Simpson-Wentz is probably the worst actress in the history of human civilization. The more serious she tries to be, the louder our involuntary guffaws.

Determined to seduce and destroy Michael, who she blames for Sydney's demise, Ash was at the center of last night's episode. She can't even chug a drink believably.

Violet's story line was just one of several last night. Lauren struggled again with her "job," David was roughed up by an art dealer, and Riley scored a modeling gig.

What else went down? Check out our recap of "Shoreline" and find out.

Some of our favorite Melrose Place quotes from the remake's latest installment ...

David: I told you what happened.
Lauren: Your injuries are completely inconsistent with your story David. Do you want to tell me what really happened so I can provide you with appropriate medical treatment? | permalink

Lauren: My neighbor's here. I'll deal with Katherine. I need your help. Get me off this boat! | permalink

Riley: But I've never done any modeling ...
Ella: THAT is exactly why Anton wants you. | permalink

Violet: I made you a signature drink. The M.D., because after you drink it you're going to need one. | permalink

Violet: You hurt my mother. She was trying to get better but you wouldn't let her. And now you're going to pay. | permalink

Steve Marsi is the Managing Editor of TV Fanatic. Follow him on Google+ or email him here.