Tuesday Gossip Girl Reality Index Time!

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Below are excerpts from New York Magazine's patented reality index of the previous night's episode Gossip Girl, a weekly dissection that's never to be missed.

We've posted our official episode recap of "Enough About Eve." Now, some highlights from NY Magazine's analysis, at once insightful, arbitrary and hilarious:

  • The asymmetrical dress in which Serena is roaming around the city is both hot and totally absurd. Plus 1.
  • Why does Gossip Girl still call Dan Lonely Boy? Minus 1. Look at him in that last scene, surrounded by friends and family, like it's the Olive Garden.
  • P.J. Buckley is spot-on, from his popped collar to the fratty guys hanging around to the d!ck look he gives the photo of Trip, to the fact that he seems more upset about his sister gaining 30 pounds than being brokenhearted. Plus 2.
  • And wait: Why does Vanessa's mom have a cell phone and voice mail? Cell phones are just noise pollution, and they also emit radiation! Minus 7.
  • Olivia calls Malibu "the 'Bu." Amazing, even in jest. Plus 1.
Back in the Game

  • Chuck would have thought twice about the whole boy-flirtation scenario, if not for his own hang-ups, in order to stave off Blair's worries. Minus 3.
  • Vanessa's father "had to finish installing the solar panels at the chicken coop at the co-op," and is "organizing the union for local 72, the cheesemakers union." Plus 7 for the amount of ridiculous neo-hippie color in one sentence.
  • Why is Nate trying to save Carter? Can he pull this poker thing off? How is Nate even there if Bree's family hates him? Some of these questions were answered when Nate's plot was revealed, but Minus 6, because not enough.
  • When she's being herself, Olivia favors shapeless, unflattering prairie dresses over skintight Hervé Léger ensembles. Plus 2, that is so NYU starlet.
  • Serena calls 411 to find P.J. Buckley? And it worked?? No. Minus 3.
  • Blair: "Napoleon's always good for a few zingers." Plus 1.

Steve Marsi is the Managing Editor of TV Fanatic. Follow him on Google+ or email him here.


Gossip Girl Quotes

And who am I? That's one secret I'll never tell ... You know you love me. XOXO, Gossip Girl

Gossip Girl

[to Jenny] That's the thing. You need to be cool to be queen. Anne Boleyn thought only with her heart and she got her head chopped off. So her daughter Elizabeth made a vow never to marry a man. She married a country. Forget boys. Keep your eye on the prize, Jenny Humphrey. You can't make people love you, but you can make them fear you. For what it's worth, you're my Queen. I choose you.