Below are excerpts from New York Magazine's reality index of last night's Gossip Girl, a column we post and link to each Tuesday morning that's not to be missed.

We posted our official recap of "They Shoot Humphreys, Don't They?" Now, some highlights from NY Magazine's nonsensical, but thorough and funny analysis:

• Okay, let's just cut right to the threesome. The Parents Council had nothing to worry about here. Plus 10 anyway, because Dan's drunk "I can't believe my luck" would-be sexy face was totally realistic; and because Vanessa's newly revealed status as a sci-fi geek makes her participation more likely.
• Why is Gossip Girl like so late on the Jenny vs. Eric feud, which began two episodes ago? We can't believe she'd slip like that. Minus 3.
• The nerd crew is awesomely indignant when Olivia tells them that Endless Knights IV isn't happening. "But Warner Bros. sent out a press release!" says one. "I'll never trust Harry Knowles again." Plus 3.

• Tripp hires Serena. Plus 1 because it was an idea only a man with a penis for a head, or a child who only cares about things that are shiny, would have.
• When Lily throatily said to Jenny, "You have your father's natural rhythm," Jenny should have recoiled slightly, because it was kind of gross. Minus 1.
• Nate on S and B: "Can you even fight about that?" Plus 1, because Nate is clearly wondering when he and Chuck get to have one of those "fights."
• Chuck stocks the elevator he locks S and B in with "single malt and macaroons." They're girls; obviously they prefer vodka and Twizzlers. Minus 1.
• Jenny's middle name is Tallulah? No points, just ... yikes.
• Jenny, with her lack of jewelry and updo, wouldn't be allowed out of the house by Lily wearing that terrible black concoction with the feathery boob shield, much less those dreadful finger-only gloves. Minus 3.

Steve Marsi is the Managing Editor of TV Fanatic. Follow him on Google+ or email him here.