Melrose Place Review: "San Vicente"

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Lauren OD'd last night on Melrose Place. So did we on one of our favorite guilty pleasures after the freshman series closed the book on 2009 with a bang - or several.

Holy crap is about all we can say. After so many lackluster episodes brimming with untapped potential, Melrose threw just about everything at us in "San Vicente."

Murder, drinking, drugs, theft, threats, heartbreak, adultery, epic cheesy dialogue from Ashlee Simpson and Colin Egglesfield ... and Katie Cassidy in black lingerie?

That's why you watch Melrose Place!

Read through our detailed episode guide for everything that went down on "San Vicente." Then read on for some of our thoughts on the hour's high points below...

Amanda and Sydney

The flashbacks: Finally, we learn who killed Sydney (Vanessa) and what Sydney has or had that Amanda wants (a $19 million painting). Great resolution to the murder plot, with Violet drowning Vanessa. Everyone dies in that pool! The stage is set for quality Amanda drama to come, too.

An adulterous twist: Almost lost in the shuffle last night was Sydney's smart-ass comment (one that ultimately led Vanessa to stab her to death) that David nailed Vanessa five years ago ... and that Noah is also five. Uhh, is David his half-brother's dad?

Ho, ho, ho: It looks like Lauren's side job might finally come back to haunt her after her "client" slipped her something. David gallantly raced to save his new love, but this fledgling couple is going to be on thin ice when he learns what she was up to.

Obligatory, unintentional Violet-Auggie comic relief: A smitten Violet is drawing a portrait of Auggie? Then happens to see his one-second kiss of Riley? Then he relapses immediately as Violet torches the portrait in a fire pit and pretends to brood silently? ROFL!

OMFG, Jonah and Ella! Ridiculous as it was that Jonah and Riley were gassing up the car to elope in Vegas, then broke up for good approximately 25 seconds later, after which he promptly got into Ella's pants, Jella is light years better than Jiley in terms of chemistry. Sorry Riles. He makes the often icy Ella seem almost sweet ... and naked.

Did you like the episode? What were your favorite parts of this jam-packed hour of hotness and borderline over-the-top intrigue? Leave comments with your thoughts!

Here are some Melrose Place quotes from last night ...

Sydney: [to Amanda] Don't you ever get tired of falsely accusing people? Even the lord rested on the seventh day. | permalink
Ella: Wait. I don't want to be just a one-night stand.
Jonah: You're not. | permalink
David: Hey, Violet. Can you do me a favor? I need you to watch over Noah for me. [pause] You're the only one here. | permalink
Violet: She was the only person who ever loved me and you killed her. | permalink
Jonah: Riley and I broke up. For good.
Ella: Oh David, I'm so sorry.
Jonah: Don't be. | permalink

Steve Marsi is the Managing Editor of TV Fanatic. Follow him on Google+ or email him here.

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Melrose Place Season 1 Episode 12 Quotes

[on Violet] I saw everything, officer. It was clearly self-defense.


[to Amanda] Don't you ever get tired of falsely accusing people? Even the lord rested on the seventh day.