After ending season one of South Park with a cliffhanger, Matt Stone and Trey Parker decides to give us a lovely April Fool's season two premiere about a completely unrelated Terrance and Phillip adventure.

Don't worry, by episode two, they wrapped up the mystery of who Cartman's father was.  Spoiler alert: it was Cartman's mom, she's a hermaphrodite.

From there, season two went on to give us such wonderful things as Cartman as a cop ("respect my authority!"), the conjoined fetus nurse, Chef's chocolate salty balls, and the infamous "Chef Aid."

Yeah, season two was a big year for the residents of South Park so it's time to celebrate with the largest collection of South Park season two quotes.

If you haven't caught on by now, we're going to end this post with our hand-picked best of season two South Park quotes, so enjoy:

Jimbo: Well, looks like we're not going anywhere for a long time.
Director: We're snowed in?
Mayor: Yes! We're trapped!
Mr. Garrison: Like sailors on a submarine...
Mayor: My god, this is the worst storm I have ever seen!
Director's Assistant: Oh, I have to get out of here; I haven't eaten since breakfast.
Officer Barbrady: Yeah, I'm getting kind of hungry, too!
Jimbo: I hope you all don't realize what we're facing here... Our only option might be to...eat each other to stay alive. | permalink

Cartman: Ey! I am a cop, and you will respect my authoritah! | permalink

Cartman: Dude, that is not cool! Chopping off wee-wees is not cool! | permalink

Jesus: In our competition for ratings, we all lost sight of why we got into showbusiness in the first place.
Ned: Yeah. Titties and beer.
Jesus: Actually, I was referring more to the pursuit of truth... | permalink

Ned: Are fireworks legal in Mexico?
Jimbo: Hell, everything's legal in Mexico. It's the American way. | permalink

Cartman: I love your chocolate salty balls, Chef! | permalink

Mr. Garrison: And, so, children, that's how you tell a prostitute from a police officer. Now, are there any questions? Yes, Kyle?
Kyle: What the hell does that have to do with American history?
Mr. Garrision: Good question, Kyle. Are there any other questions?
Kyle: Mr. Garrison, I'm the only one here. Everyone else has chicken herpes. | permalink

Mr. Garrison: A haiku is just like a normal American poem except it doesn't rhyme and it's totally stupid. | permalink

Sharon: Stanley look who's here, Aunt Flo.
Aunt Flo: Hello Stanley, remember me?
Stan: Hi Aunt Flo.
Sharon: Now Stanley, Aunt Flo only visits once a month. Be nice. | permalink

Charles Manson: Come on, I'll hotwire your grandpa's car.
Stan: Do you really think we should go with this guy?
Cartman: Stan, don't be such a dumbass, you have to trust people. | permalink

Kyle: Do you ever think maybe you shouldn't give your son coffee?
Mrs. Tweek: Why would you say that?
Kyle: Well, look at him. He's always shaky and nervous.
Mrs. Tweek: Oh, that. He has A.D.D., attention defecit disorder. That's why he's so jittery all the time. | permalink

News Presenter: The prehistoric ice man is thought to be from the late Neo-Post-Jurassic era, where he was probably part of a hunting and gathering tribe that lived on Waterson Street. | permalink

Eric Hochberger is the programmer of TV Fanatic, so please forgive his mediocre writing. His programming is far better. Follow him on Twitter and/or email him. Just don't request threaded comments. They're coming.