Last night's installment of The Real Housewives of Atlanta was called "White Hot." All About Kim Zolciak would have worked as well, with her many, many Louis Vuitton valises full of her many, many stripper heels and a few dozen ratty wigs in full force.

We begin with Kim driving in her rented yellow Lamborghini through the Palm Springs desert, with her assistant Sweetie, swerving through traffic like a deranged Barbie.

Kim's prepping for her big gay stage debut at the White Party, natch.

Choosing tutus and dustrag dresses that wouldn't fit a 10-year-old much less a 44 DDDD Amazon, Kim proceeds to over the multitude of beautiful, buff go-go boys like a deranged madame choosing her wares for the season instead of paying attention to her act.

Kandi Burriss has been dragged along for support but apparently she's really there to be Kim's backup singer. This doesn't exactly sit well with Kandi, but, what the hell.

Kim's "stage rehearsal" looks like an ADD PSA gone bad. Oh, and the other housewives?

Nene got a Yorkshire Terrier named "Player" (pronounced "Play-a") and she's a good mom to her son, Brent. Dwight visits Sheree with his publicist (?!?) and basically tells her the $30,000 he put into her fashion show last season was spent at Kinko's!

We also learn that Sheree has a 24-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER.

Cynthia the supermodel whines to her sister about her fear of commitment (again), and finally, Phaedra "High Class" Parks reminds us she's a lawyer (again).

As for Kim's big stage number? To do justice to that disaster is a difficult task. You'll have to check out our full recap of The Real Housewives of Atlanta ...