Gossip Girl Reality Index: The Morning After

at . Comments

Last night's Gossip Girl, "The Witches of Bushwick," featured a plot so complex, as our official review notes, it was hard to believe at times (entertaining as it was)

To that end, it's time one of our favorite pieces of Gossip Girl coverage, N.Y. Magazine's patented reality index. Excerpts from their take on Monday's episode:

A Serena Smile
  • Serena: “You seriously expect me to make this monumental decision with colored pencils and graph paper?” Plus 10 because she's totally right, the graph paper bit seems really beyond her evaluative capabilities.
  • Where does Nate’s mom get off being so judgey? She's married to a Ponzi schemer who’s in JAIL. Minus 4.
  • Juliet's delivery of “I just like visual aids” had precisely the right amount of psycho to it. She clearly had that line handy for when Jenny saw her wall and came to the obvious conclusion that she was dealing with a serial killer. Plus 1.
  • Nate to Chuck: “Relax, man, girls know that when a guy says that during it doesn’t mean ‘I love you,’ it means ‘I love having sex with you.’” Plus 10 for Nate believing that is true, and for saying it out loud.
  • Plus 2 for Dorota appearing one second after being called, proving again that she spends most of her time eavesdropping on Chuck and Blair having sex.
  • Cinderena? Oh dear. Minus 1.
  • Lily’s face as she confronts Serena about Page Six is practically gleeful. Plus 2.
  • There wouldn't be "paparazzi at the campus gates," just because a teenager was once spotted Frenching a teacher ... unless maybe the teen was Justin Bieber and the teacher was Tim Gunn. Minus only 1.
  • Chuck and Blair will do anything for each other, and then just drop it all after some bitchy, hypocritical speech by a woman who herself is married to a convicted felon? This just makes no sense at all. Minus 10.

Steve Marsi is the Managing Editor of TV Fanatic. Follow him on Google+ or email him here.


Gossip Girl Quotes

And who am I? That's one secret I'll never tell ... You know you love me. XOXO, Gossip Girl

Gossip Girl

[to Jenny] That's the thing. You need to be cool to be queen. Anne Boleyn thought only with her heart and she got her head chopped off. So her daughter Elizabeth made a vow never to marry a man. She married a country. Forget boys. Keep your eye on the prize, Jenny Humphrey. You can't make people love you, but you can make them fear you. For what it's worth, you're my Queen. I choose you.