Hawaii Five-O Review: Welcome to the Boring Jungle

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The Five-O spent most of "E Malama" running around in the jungle, making for one of the most boring and predictable episodes of the season.

Overall, I don't expect much from Hawaii Five-O. I watch this series for the action, occasional explosions, cool tech and, of course, to see very pretty people make snarky comments to each other as they beat up bad guys. If I'm lucky, I get an excellent story with some emotional depth as a bonus.

Mariana Klaveno on Hawaii Five-O

This week, I got about forty-five minutes of Chin and McGarrett sprinting around in the jungle. Not even an exciting forty-five minutes. It was the most basic plot ever.

Storyline-wise, the team had to rescue the witness to a murder who had escaped the assassins sent to her safe house. There was no suspense here at all. I knew that Chin and McGarrett would succeed because the lame killers didn't have names or more than a few lines of dialogue. They might as well have been dressed in red shirts.

As seen above, McGarrett did his best Schwarzenegger impression from Predator, with eye black paint and a log trap that he used to subdue one of the assassins. And to make things more comedic, rather than intense, McGarrett decided to take a call from Danno while he was trying to set up the log trap and be stealthy. Really, that was what the writers came up with?

There was a lot of untapped potential with the entire hunt and chase through the jungle. It could have been a thrilling, even scary, story, but I was never worried that Chin or McGarrett might fail. I was never concerned that the witness might not make it to the trial in time to testify.

It's one thing to know that the good guys win. Still, there should always be something in the story to make the audience doubt the hero's success, that little seed of wondering if everything really will work out in the end.

Kono was underutilized gathering information, though she did get one of the more exciting moments in the show when she stopped the final assassin at the courtroom.

Even the slight saving grace of Danno's side story with his ex-wife and daughter wasn't exactly up to par, despite it being far more gripping than the scenes in the jungle.

It's obvious that the writers are testing the waters to see if the audience really wants Danno and Rachel to get back together. It's unfortunate it has to be done in such a contrived way. Making Stan a bad guy shouldn't be a catalyst for Danno and Rachel to reunite. Even though the trouble Stan was in was sort of thrown aside as a misunderstanding, I have a feeling that Stan's business dealings might turn more sinister. I hope not, though.

Danno did prove a bigger man than I would have been in his situation. His constraint while talking to Stan instead of beating his face in was commendable, as is his protective nature towards his family. It was easily the highlight of a disappointing hour.

E Malama Review

Editor Rating: 2.5 / 5.0
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Hawaii Five-0 Season 1 Episode 16 Quotes

If the witness comes back this way you get her straight to the courthouse. If the shooters come back you put them down, and make sure they stay down.


Danno: You know what the greatest invention of all time is?
Chin: What?
Danno: The ignore button. I have a theory that whoever invented the modern cellular phone also had an ex-wife.