About halfway through this week's episode of How I Met Your Mother, I was looking for the conductor to stop the "The Drunk Train" because I wanted off.
While Barney and Ted's nicknames for it were classic, as were the top 10 things Marshall and Lily said on their wedding night, I felt like the episode tried to cram way too much into one half hour block and came off as a poor attempt to hot-wire the Mother storyline.
Barney messing up his trademark catchphrase was amusing, but I honestly could not believe any woman - let alone someone he met a day ago - could unnerve him like that. I felt like the great Barnabus's legacy was slapped in the face with such missteps, along with the fact that we were meant to believe that Barney honestly did not recognize Quinn from her job at his favorite strip club. It would be like if someone drew a comic book where were were lead to believe Aquaman died by drowning. Come on, people.
Moving on: hey, look who they decided to bring back: Kevin! And he had a ring! Kudos to Robin for coming clean about not being able to have children, but shouldn't she also have mentioned that she didn't want to have kids at all? Instead, we had to endure Kevin asking her to marry him time and time again. Don't worry about Robin, though, because Ted went from no longer caring about "the one" to telling Robin he loved her.
Are we really supposed to believe Robin is the mother? Ted and she have shared a few tender moments the last few episodes... but really? Robin put out her cigarette just in time for Ted to lay the granddaddy of all lines on her? I don't think so, or at least I hope not.
Aside from some great Barney, Ted's line about his date - whose favorite band was Glee - and the flash forward scene with Marshall and Lily, the only other redeeming part of this episode was that it did at least try to advance what had been a stalled storyline. There was no Vin Diesel, but tonight's installment was too fast and too furious a plot.
So I throw myself at the mercy of the court. Having gotten so thrashed for liking last week's "filler" episode, if I am completely off base in your opinions once again this week, I am going to have to seriously reevaluate my take on the show or my faith in humanity.
Perhaps I am sadly devoted to an ancient way of judging television. So here I am, my light saber at my side. Oppose and contradict my opinions if you must, or concur with my feelings and join me. For those of you who choose to do so, remember that as the others try to strike us down, we will only become more powerful than they could possibly imagine.