Orange is the New Black Review: Everyone's a Criminal

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Pretty much everyone on this series has some degree of criminal activity in their past, and we learned on Orange is the New Black Season 1 Episode 12 that more than one of those running Litchfield should probably be behind bars themselves.

As much as what Larry did annoyed me, it seems that he uncovered quite a little scandal that could bring Figueroa tumbling down from running the joint to being in the joint. Wouldn't that be a hoot?


It's amazing how much more content you can squeeze into an extra 18 minutes of airtime. There is a vast difference between watching one episode of Orange is the New Black and a network "hour" of episodic television. The time that passes, even though it is the same in minutes, is so full of information it's astounding. By the time you hit the end, it's almost difficult to believe you were watching the same show at the beginning.

Piper didn't behave as I expected her to after learning the news about Alex naming her at all, and Alex didn't believe it either. She finally manipulated her into exploding in anger, and they worked it out. They eventually got to a point where it seemed Piper wasn't making decisions based on whether or not she'd be alone.

We haven't seen a lot of interaction between Piper and Larry, so he really has a disadvantage. Alex and Piper seem like a good fit. It doesn't appear that Piper was ever really in the groove of her family's lifestyle, which is more like Larry's. Larry has decided Piper is the most interesting thing about him and wants her back for good or to let go completely. He's asked her to marry -- while she's in prison. Hmmmm.

Piper had a lot of ground to cover after the Larry interview, and tried to make up with Suzanne, who is one of the most sane crazy people in the prison. I'm so glad they opened up her character, because she is delightful. She's smart, insightful and bursting with emotion. It's hard not to feel for her.

Miss Claudette wasn't easy to win over, and to top it off her appeal went poorly. She attacked poor Fischer who got some really crap advice from Caputo to treat inmates like inanimate objects at what was probably the worst time. When the prison is already volatile, you don't rock the boat. 

I knew something was going to happen with Taystee. Sadly, she's exactly right about what she said about parole. It's almost impossible to make it on the outside. Prisoners are set up to fail. Calls to drug tests come at any time and it could be during an interview or on your first day at work -- it doesn't matter. You can't be near felons, but you can't find anywhere else to live. There isn't enough help for people when they get out, but parole is the worst because of the restrictions.

When Taystee told Poussey that she, essentially, had it better in prison because she knew the score, had a bed, food and her friend, I understood. Unless people getting out have a really amazing support system, they're likely on their way back in.

It's hard to believe that the Christian Right would be behind Pennsatucky for killing an abortion nurse after having had a handful of abortions herself. I'm guessing she was coached well by the suited fellow, but that's really hard to stomach. She doesn't exactly have the look of a Christian poster child. They WOULD have paid to have her teeth repaired if that was to be her role, don't you think?

So now since Piper told the truth about how she sees God and didn't want to give lip service to something Pennsatucky holds sacred, Pennsatucky wants to kill her. Oh brother. It's been difficult not to know what's coming in the finale and I'm looking forward to it.

Yoga Jones' story was tragic and sad, but I didn't understand what she and Janae were trying to do with the nail in the socket. Were they trying to off themselves or just scramble their brains around a little bit? If one of them had burnt up, would the other have really been able to go through with their end?

The whole Red/Daya/Bennett/Pornstache debacle really got messed up, didn't it? Bennett is disgusted with Daya because he really did love her because she was sweet. She doesn't look so sweet as she's setting someone else up for their mistake, even if he is a pig. 

Pornstache really is just a pathetic big guy. He thinks he and Daya are in love! Oh my. The poor guy obviously never had a woman say anything remotely nice to him. Setting up Red to take the fall for his drug business was kind of smart, however. It's one more thing to make Healy look like an idiot, too.

But the biggest surprise was Figueroa getting into her Mercedes just seconds after the reporter asked her about the $2.3 million budget increase over the last two years. She's been saying the budget has been cut, so we can guess she's skimmed even more than that. Will she be making an appearance in orange on Orange is the New Black Season 2? Would they put her in the same place she ran? Sure - for dramatic purposes.

Time to rub my hands together and get ready for the big finish!! 

Fool Me Once Review

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Carissa Pavlica is the managing editor and a staff writer for TV Fanatic. Follow her on Twitter.

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Orange is the New Black Season 1 Episode 12 Quotes

I used to think you were a yellow dandelion, but you are all dried up with the puff blown off. But that's all right. You are who you are like I am who I am.

Crazy Eyes

Piper: I'm not mean. I didn't mean to be mean to you.
Crazy Eyes: You gotta start from the inside out or else you'll step on the clean.