Or you can just follow along with our +/- recap...
Jimmy enter's Chris Soules' cabin/tent/barn thing to wake him, taking care to ask if Chris is sleeping naked. He says he isn't but that doesn't stop the world from imagining Chris Soules naked.
Oh look, Jimmy brought coffee! Plus 4.
Shirtless Chris Soules! Plus 10.
Chris Harrison announces to the ladies that Jimmy Kimmel will be hanging out with them this week, going on dates, attending the cocktail parties, and just getting to know them all. In addition to a little humor, Jimmy brings along the "Amazing" jar. Each time someone says "amazing" she (or he) must put $1 into the jar.
If he could have made it a "for all the right reasons" jar, I would've been totally on board.
Kaitlyn gets the first date card of the week, a one on one, with the promise of unlimited hors d'ouevres and joining an exclusive club. Chris has no idea what the date is, but the card makes it sound extravagant.
They end up at Costco. Plus 4.
Jimmy's plan in sending them to Costco is to show them what real couples do together. GENIUS! You go, Jimmy Kimmel!
They have to buy tables, chairs, steaks, and a hot tub's worth of ketchup for the dinner Jimmy has planned for them and then load it all into the limo. It seems safe to say a limo has never pulled away from Costco with folding tables in the trunk before.
Kaitlyn and Chris prepare dinner and enjoy it and then sit back and talk about how nice the day was since it was just so normal. He says that his life isn't glamorous and she says that's what she likes about him.
Things are so normal between them and it's so much fun to watch. Gah. Team Kaitlyn? Team Britt? WHICH TEAM ARE WE ON?
Jimmy arrives and brings with him a present, which Chris doesn't open. Over drinks and while Chris grills the steaks, Kaitlyn says she's dated "legit" farmers in the past, and by that she means animal farmers. Just one.
Chris has never dated a Canadian before.
Jimmy calls himself a "lubricant" since he's not afraid to ask tough questions. And then he launches into questions about the Fantasy Suite and what Kaitlyn would do if she won and found out that Chris slept with every woman he took into the Fantasy Suite.
"You can't buy a car without test driving it." Kaitlyn says she wouldn't be mad.
Kaitlyn is totally digging this date with Jimmy and watching Chris squirm while Jimmy talks about how much sex he's supposed to be having. Jimmy hands Chris a date rose and lets Chris hand the rose to Kaitlyn.
They seriously have not stopped laughing the entire time. Plus 12.
Chris is not shy about kissing these girls. At all. That is going to come back to bite him in the ass at some point.
Jillian apparently just works out all day long while the other girls are enjoying their time away from their jobs and regular lives. I mean, it's...working out..on vacation? That's a thing people do? I guess? (Girl!)
Jimmy decides that for the group date, the women need to take a farm life test. They have to shuck corn, grab eggs, fry them without breaking the yolk, milk goats, and drink the milk. Then they'll have to shovel manure into wheelbarrows. Finally, to cap off the first portion of the group date, they'll wrestle greased pigs.
Jillian's pumped. Up. Literally.
The women are shucking corn like pros, but Jillian's the first one into and out of the chicken coop. Mackenzie gets disqualified during the egg frying portion of the obstacle course when she breaks her yolk.
Jillian's ass keeps hanging out of her shorts. Minus 10.
Carly and Kelsey are the first to drink their goat milk but Kelsey has a hard time keeping the milk down. Carly's winning until it's time to wrestle a greased pig. Jillian jumps the fence to try and get a jump on Carly, but Carly's victorious! Plus 8.
This is the first blue ribbon Carly has ever won in her life. Her prize is getting to recreate American Gothic with Chris. She'll probably get some kind of bonus during the cocktail party portion of the date, too. Or she'll just steal it from someone else.
With drinks in hand, Carly steals Chris first, pretty much as soon as the toast to the night is done. She says that she gets nervous around him but he's a man and she's a woman so she just wants to take advantage and then she kisses him. Minus 10 for the awkward set up, but Plus 20 for going after what she wants.
Amber asks him to dance and says they should pretend it's their wedding. Waaaaaay to jump the gun there, Amber. Also, here's hoping she has some double sided tape on her boobs.
Mackenzie is very confused that Chris is kissing so many other girls since she was the first one to get kissed, so she asks him "so, you remember how we kissed...so why are you kissing everyone else, too?" Minus 23
Well, Mac, first of all, you didn't kiss him first. Second of all, he's dating ALL OF YOU. Minus 12
The other girls, Britt included, can't believe she asked him, but she's having the same thoughts. She's pretty torn up by all the kissing, actually.
Becca's parents were excited for her to come there since it was him, and he's the kind of person her parents would want her to bring home. They share a rooftop...hug. Because she doesn't want to rush it and do something abnormal even though she really wants to kiss him. Gotta give the girl some props for not going for it.
Back at the house, Whitney's so excited to get a one on one date with Chris the next day she starts to cry.
Becca gets the group date rose. Plus 9.
Chris and Whitney head to a vineyard for their date. They are looking pretty in pink. Jimmy Kimmely doesn't seem to be involved in this date at all. Don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
Since there's no helicopter ride or walk through Costco they have to jump straight into the awkward conversations centering on "What do you want, what are you looking for..." and he's just looking for someone who can shoot the sh*t with people. He keeps saying she seems genuine and real and to me she just seems stiff and formal.
They look over the hill and see a wedding going on in the background and she suggests they crash it. Then she gives a "Yolo" and loses points. Minus 14.
Their cover story is that they're engaged and one of them is related to either the bride or groom. I can't believe this isn't planned somehow that the bride and groom know there's a possibility that The Bachelor will crash their wedding. At the very least, the cameras and microphone packs are kind of a giveaway that they don't belong there.
Chris suggests they go and change before crashing the wedding, so they do, and they pick up a random present. How...wha...how is this even possible?
The cameras stay back and Chris and Whitney go in with plans to tell everyone that they're engaged and done shooting but they have to be really quiet about it. They mosey up to a table and start talking to people and Chris starts getting nervous. Whitney just lets the story roll.
Chris does the Shopping Cart and the Lawnmower and Whitney says he has "great moves." Minus 9.
Still will not ever believe they legit crashed this wedding and this wasn't a setup. Nope.
Whitney gets a date rose.
Chris Soules showering outside again! Plus 13 But Jimmy Kimmel is crashing which is just weird. Minus 2. No really, weird. Minus 9.
Jimmy is back and tells the women there won't be a cocktail party that day. They're going to have a pool party instead and they have one hour to get ready. They all look...perplexed and scared that they only have an hour. It's a pool party. Put on a bikini and go.
Ashley I. wanted to rock her Kardashian look at the cocktail party. Instant Minus 48. They're all putting on makeup for a pool party.
Jillian's ass is still hanging out. Minus 14.
Juelia really wants to open up and talk to Chris about her feelings but doesn't feel like a super fun pool party is the time or place. But she still really has to have the chat so she does. Her husband's death has caused her to focus on love and relationships instead of material things.
Her story is pretty harrowing and definitely sad. Probably not happy fun pool party material but the sort of thing she obviously felt she needed to get out. Chris hugs her to try and make her feel better.
It has to be tough for him to know what to say after that, but he does the best he can. That's really all anyone can ask for, right?
Britt waltzes into the cabana to steal time away from Chris and while he's trying to talk she's busy kissing him. Jade sees it and busts in asking for a tour of his place. While she's hanging out with Chris inside his house, Jillian's sneaking into his hot tub.
Chris actually doesn't have the best abs, but he's sort of a normalish dude with a crazy spray tan?
Jade wears white stripper heels with her bathing suit and launches herself onto Chris's bed. Minus 2. Producers of course play the most ridiculous "sexy" music while they're making out and the sound of bubbles for Jillian in the hot tub.
Megan, Ashley I. and Mackenzie decide they'll give Jillian and Chris five minutes in the hot tub and then they're going to crash it. Mackenzie can't keep herself from busting into the hot tube while Jillian and Chris are kissing. It's really awkward to watch Ashley I. crying about how no one is giving her time with Chris and she would've given the other girls time with Chris and PLEASE GOD SEND THEM HOME, CHRIS. Send them all home.
Seriously. Send them home. They're a bunch of babies.
Mackenzie rejoins the majority of the girls and tells them Jillian wouldn't get out of the hot tub to give them time with him just as he comes walking in looking for Ashley I. She grabs him and drags him up the stairs to try and explain why she got so upset with Jillian. She's practically incoherent. She's also way too made up for him and for life on the farm. Minus 24
When Chris doesn't know what to say he just hugs the girls. She's a very eager and very noisy kisser, and she likes to lean back like she's trying to pull him on top of her but they're on a roof so that's a very bad idea up there. Minus 8. You'll see that when you watch The Bachelor online.
Chris Harrison rescues Chris Soules from the clutches of the evil pool party. He tells the girls he's going to need some time to think which is code for "go get dressed up in your glam dresses so this will look pretty for the TV."
"Whatever you do, don't be yourself. Be somebody who gives better speeches." --Jimmy Kimmel to Chris Soules Plus 12
Joining Whitney, Kaitlyn, and Becca for another week:
- Ashley S.
- Ashley I.
He's crazy, first of all, for keeping the Ashelys and Mackenzie around for another week. Seriously. What's up with that, Chris? We're saying goodbye to Trina, Amber, and Tracy, who was so unmemorable I just had to Google to see who she even was.
CRAZY ASHLEY S. and ASHLEY I. are still there. CANNOT BELIEVE.
EPISODE TOTAL: -113 SEASON TOTAL: -135
Miranda Wicker was a Staff Writer for TV Fanatic. She retired in 2017. Follow her on Twitter.