Sorry, guys. Looks like Black Hairy Tongue Disease will continue to plague an unsuspecting population since Chanel's pumpkin-patch party was a complete and utter failure.
Scream Queens Season 1 Episode 5 introduced a new probable villain and more attacks on Chanel's leadership. Things are getting hairier (and sillier) as the season progresses.
This show is strange. Don't get me wrong, it's strange in a great, hilarious way. However, in a typical hour of the show, it feels as though tons of things are happening while simultaneously nothing at all is happening to move the plot forward.
Let me clarify: we've seen so many plot twists and shocks, and yet literally none of them have been followed up on.
Remember way back, during the Scream Queens Series Premiere, when it was revealed that Boone had faked his death and was working alongside the Red Devil?
Also remember how nothing ever came of that? Boone hasn't appeared since, and there have been no references whatsoever to his apparent involvement with the killer. Has Boone been running around in the Red Devil costume ever since that episode, having switched off with whoever his partner was that pulled him out of the morgue drawer? Is this like a tag-team murderers shtick and Boone is tagged in for the entire rest of the season?
More recently, in Scream Queens Season 1 Episode 4, it was revealed that (apparently) Gigi is the Hag of Shady Lane. Nothing more was made of that yet, save one very minor moment when Gigi had way too much intel on the soil around the house that the Hag lived it (which was only picked up as a bit strange by series all-star and all-around best character Denise Hemphill).
There are certainly aspects of the show that are chugging along (the methodical takedown of Chanel Oberlin, for one) but all in all, five episodes in, it's starting to feel a bit like the show is treading water.
There's no reason for us to have any major reveals yet, since we're only a third of the way through the season, but it feels as though the show is just stacking more and more oddball moments on top of one another.
What I think (hope) this means is that it will all get tied together at the very end of the season, where we'll get a great payoff scene where one character puts all the pieces of the puzzle together and reveals everything that's been going on all along.
The show is probably building to a Clue-esque type of ending, where a character like Clue's Butler is going to give us the whodunit/how-they-dunnit rundown in one comically long scene.
All that said, there were many funny moments in "Pumpkin Patch."
Let's first digest all the plot points that stuck out:
- Dodger (of Roger-and-Dodger, Chanel #5's twin boyfriends) is dead at the hands of the Red Devil.
- Caulfield, newly-armless Dollar Scholar, did survive his de-arming.
- Chanel went to jail for the murder of Ms. Bean for about 45 minutes. She's out on bail.
- Zayday was held captive by the killer, who apparently has a big ol' crush on her, but managed to escape.
- Hester/Chanel #6 recruited both #5 and Jennifer-Candle-Blogger in her plan to take down Chanel.
- Chad Radwell, legendary lothario, also bedded Denise Hemphill, as she revealed in her conversation with the Dean.
- Grace found out about her dad's relationship with Gigi and, after some initial ookiness about the whole thing, came around and bonded with Gigi.
- Whoops! Too bad, silly Grace, because future step mommy is in cahoots with the Red Devil.
Emma Roberts continues to slay (literally/figuratively) in the role of Chanel Oberlin. We've been a little light on Chanel magic for a while recently, so I was glad to have a return of focus on the KKT reigning president and more of her magnificent insults and one-liners.
Planning the pumpkin-patch party was clearly stressing out Chanel, and she took it all out on her favorite punching bag: Chanel #5. Poor #5 is difficult to sympathize with, mostly because she is incredibly annoying, so the confrontation between #5 and Chanel just came across as hilarious. Particularly because Chanel was dressed as Jackie Kennedy while this was all going down.
That is such a Mary Todd Lincoln thing to say.Chanel
Lea Michele is relishing portraying crazy old Hester/#6, who is so different from her signature character, Rachel Berry. While Chanel was reaming #5 out for her repeated claims of being "done" with Chanel, Hester helpfully chimed in to back up Chanel.
The over-the-top way she screamed "there's the door, bitch!" and then creepily whispered her apology in Chanel's ear, paired with Chanel's disturbed reaction to the outburst, was one of the funniest smaller moments of the series so far. Lea is doing an incredible job in this role.
Unfortunately (for Chanel #6), Chanel's empire is not so easily toppled. Though it was clever of #6 to recruit #5 (who was an easy and very willing target) and Jennifer (who was an easy target once they hit her candle-loving weak spot), Chanel wasn't in jail for long, thanks to Chanel #3's father and their boatloads of Stouffer's-meals-for-poor-people money.
Chin up, Chanel. At least you wore something nice today. Remember to smile for your mugshot, it'll be on Gawker by sundown. Oh my god, I'm burping uncontrollably like Robert Durst! They'll know I'm guilty!Chanel
Chanel and her Robert Durst guilty-burps were out of jail in no time at all. She blew off her prison besties in perfectly flippant Chanel style and was on her way to take down the treacherous #5.
It's interesting that Chanel is so eager to bash #5 that she's overlooking or ignoring Hester's clearly threatening presence. It was a bit surprising that Chanel didn't even consider #5's claim that Hester was framing her for a second.
But we have seen a lot of Chanel using #5 as a verbal punching bag and #5 making big claims of being "over it" (though she never actually leaves or does anything about it). So it's fair to assume she just hates #5 and wants to pin it on her.
So why are you baking toenail cookies and giving them to children? Why are you hurting them instead of Chanel?Hester
The other huge development was that, despite Grace's well-organized search and rescue team, Zayday managed to break free of her captivity all on her own.
Obviously, we have no way of knowing how much of Zayday's recounting of the story is true, but by her telling of it, the killer clearly has a thing for her. He/she sent her down presents, invited her up to his cellar abode for a pretty legit date featuring her favorite food, and even was holding a puppy at some point (did I see that last bit right?)
The whole thing is really fishy, but the fact that the Red Devil was so into her (in her recollection) seems to be pointing the guilty finger over at Earl Grey (who we've already seen express interest in Zayday).
Again, everybody is a suspect! We have not ruled a single person out at this point. Trying to figure out who the killers are is just giving me a migraine now, so I won't even try.
Denise's insistence that Zayday is the killer is one of the best recurring jokes so far. I almost want Zayday to be revealed to be the killer so we can get Denise's triumphant reaction to that news. Niecy Nash is so, so great as Denise Hemphill, and I loved seeing her interacting with other characters, like Dean Munch. All of her dialogue is crazy quotable.
It smell like booty in here.Denise Hemphill
Naturally Grace's discovery that her father and Gigi were an item, and her acceptance of that fact, would come at the heels of bad news (that Gigi is, apparently, a villain). Because of that scene (that was so clearly meant to be heartwarming) and because it was just way too convenient for the killer to have left her alive when he escaped, the scene of Gigi giving orders to a Red Devil-costumed figure was not remotely shocking.
That said, notice that Gigi didn't actually reference murder or anything. She just told the figure that it was cut way too close. that "he" had to go and for the Red Devil to take care of it. Who is he? Is it possible she means go in a non-metaphorical sense? Maybe "he" just needs to leave and not die?
Probably not, but I thought I'd just lob around that theory.
- Denise accidentally tasing Gigi in the boobs – HA. Classic Denise.
- Zayday is "like Black Die Hard." I love Zayday, I really hope she's not one of the probable dozens of killers running around campus.
- There are horror homages and then there's building a replica of the maze from The Shining. So good!
- People are not really dying so much any more. After all those memorable deaths bunched in the beginning of the season, it's a little disappointing.
- The least enjoyable aspect of Chanel's humor/bitchiness is how racist she is. Bleh.
- I still don't care about Grace or Pete even a little bit.
What did you all think of "Pumpkin Patch"? Are you okay with the fact that we aren't getting any real answers or movement on the murder mystery yet?
Chime in with your thoughts by commenting below and watch Scream Queens online right here at TV Fanatic!
Caralynn Lippo is a staff writer for TV Fanatic. Follow her on Twitter.