Quotables for Week Ending February 25, 2016

Bernadette: What kind of cake do you like?
Sheldon: My favorite is chocolate with strawberry frosting, three layers. And if there's writing on it, make sure it's not all caps. I don't want my dessert yelling at me.

• Permalink: My favorite is chocolate with strawberry frosting, three layers. And if there's writing on...
• Added: February 25, 2016

Happy: You let the cat out of the bag.
Toby: Cats shouldn't be in a bag in the first place. Bags are a terrible place for cats.

• Permalink: Cats shouldn't be in a bag in the first place. Bags are a terrible place for cats.
• Added: February 22, 2016

Morgan: She wants to meet for dinner tonight because we need to talk. I've gotten this text enough times in the past to know it ain't good.
Rossi: Hey look. All I know is Savannah is a wonderful woman and you two love each other. It'll be fine.
Morgan: Yeah?
Rossi: No. You're probably completely screwed, but good luck anyway.

• Permalink: No. You're probably completely screwed, but good luck anyway.
• Added: February 24, 2016

Enzo? Remember Thanksgiving in 1953? We were locked up and I told you I was thankful for you through that little hole in the wall. I take that back.

Damon

• Permalink: Enzo? Remember Thanksgiving in 1953? We were locked up and I told you I was thankful for you...
• Added: February 19, 2016

You could do things with your tongue that would make a rattlesnake blush.

Queenie

• Permalink: You could do things with your tongue that would make a rattlesnake blush.
• Added: February 21, 2016

Oh, yeah. Black guys put hot sauce on everything on account most of us have been pepper-sprayed by the time we're two.

Cleveland

• Permalink: Oh, yeah. Black guys put hot sauce on everything on account most of us have been...
• Added: February 21, 2016

Cary: What are you doing for lunch today?
Lucca: Eating.

• Permalink: Eating.
• Added: February 21, 2016

Jimmy: What are you doing here?
Chuck: My name is on the building.

• Permalink: My name is on the building.
• Added: February 22, 2016

Simon's mom: Honey, you look like you're dying.
Simon: I'm dying to get out of this conversation.

• Permalink: I'm dying to get out of this conversation.
• Added: February 23, 2016

Russell: Do you need a minute?
Elizabeth: No I don't.

• Permalink: Do you need a minute?
• Added: February 22, 2016

Mary: Do you still think dismissing Barrow was a useful saving, Papa?
Robert: That's rather below the belt, even for you.

• Permalink: That's rather below the belt, even for you.
• Added: February 22, 2016

You're the oldest young person I've ever met, and coming from an immortal, that's saying something.

Lucifer

• Permalink: You're the oldest young person I've ever met, and coming from an immortal, that's saying...
• Added: February 22, 2016

Josh: I haven't had hot water in, like, weeks. I'm showering with freezing cold water.
Rebecca: No hot water? That's terrible! You should complain!
Josh: Yeah, I don't like to complain about stuff.

• Permalink: Yeah, I don't like to complain about stuff.
• Added: February 22, 2016

Blowing a space station out of the sky to get others to join isn't exactly an inspirational Unity Day story.

Jaha

• Permalink: Blowing a space station out of the sky to get others to join isn't exactly an inspirational...
• Added: February 26, 2016

Maxwell: So nothing for my largesse then?
Kara: I was told you asked for and received Netflix.
Maxwell: You thought I was dangerous before, you have no idea how dangerous I get when I'm bored.
Kara: I recommend Call the Midwife.

• Permalink: I recommend Call the Midwife.
• Added: February 22, 2016

Elijah: Niklaus, for Heaven’s sakes release the poor creature. [Klaus drops Chief of Police off a balcony.] That’s not what I meant.
Klaus: He’ll live.

• Permalink: Release the poor creature.
• Added: February 19, 2016

With all due respect, Simmons, I don't think you can handle my rod.

Crowley

• Permalink: With all due respect, Simmons, I don't think you can handle my rod.
• Added: February 25, 2016

You don't wrestle a pig. You take him to slaughter, and make bacon.

Renard

• Permalink: You don't wrestle a pig. You take him to slaughter, and make bacon.
• Added: February 19, 2016

Shoshanna: Oh, wow. You look so whimsical-slash-beautiful.
Jessa: Thank you. I just bathed in the stream and then I ran through the field to dry myself.

• Permalink: Thank you. I just bathed in the stream and then I ran through the field to dry myself.
• Added: February 21, 2016

Jamie: So don't I get points for initiative?
Richie: Horatio Alger.
Jamie: So you want me to suck your dick?

• Permalink: So you want me to suck your dick?
• Added: February 21, 2016

Provenza: I want to go big. This could be my last wedding.
Buzz: How many times have you said that?

• Permalink: How many times have you said that?
• Added: February 22, 2016

Jane: Waiting just doesn't seem to make sense anymore. I mean, I'm a virgin mom. That's just weird.
Narrator: Totally weird.

• Permalink: Totally weird.
• Added: February 23, 2016

Joe: I don't suppose my homeowners insurance covers a Sharknado attack.
Wally: I don't understand you people. Jaws busts through your house like the Kool-Aid man, The Flash shows up and y'all just act like it's no big deal.
Iris: We've had a lot of weird things happen in Central City over the past two years.
Wally: Weirder than a talking shark wearing pants.

• Permalink: Weirder than a talking shark wearing pants.
• Added: February 23, 2016

Who told you that? The internet? If that's your most reliable source of information then you might as well go.

Gerard

• Permalink: Who told you that? The internet? If that's your most reliable source of information then you...
• Added: February 23, 2016

Maura: What if you could have a whole townhouse to yourself? No neighbors?
Jane: Then I'd be rich. I wouldn't be a detective.

• Permalink: Then I'd be rich. I wouldn't be a detective.
• Added: February 23, 2016

Abby: And I forgot to tell you the worst part.
Jake: What?
Abby: I had my first hot flash. Today.
Jake: Oh honey. Why does God hate you?

• Permalink: Oh honey. Why does God hate you?
• Added: February 23, 2016

Will: Ms. Goodwin? I'm sorry I've been so much trouble.
Sharon: Yes, Dr. Halstead, you have been a monumental pain in the ass.

• Permalink: Yes, Dr. Halstead, you have been a monumental pain in the ass.
• Added: February 24, 2016

God doesn't speak to people outside of Charlton Heston films.

Jamie

• Permalink: God doesn't speak to people outside of Charlton Heston films.
• Added: February 25, 2016

I didn't set out to destroy the world, Mulder. People did.

CSG

• Permalink: I didn't set out to destroy the world, Mulder. People did.
• Added: February 22, 2016

Nick: Of course we make decisions. How do you think I'm wearing clothes right now?
Schmidt: I lay those out for you Nick.

• Permalink: I lay those out for you Nick.
• Added: February 23, 2016

Taft: Mind if I tag along? I can explain the medical side of this little mystery better than either of you.
Gibbs: You're enjoying this, aren't you?
Taft: No. Maybe. Kind of.

• Permalink: No. Maybe. Kind of.
• Added: February 23, 2016

Apparently, he doesn't abide by 'Click It or Ticket.'

LaSalle [on a suspect just killed in a car accident]

• Permalink: Apparently, he doesn't abide by 'Click It or Ticket.'
• Added: February 24, 2016

Brett [about patient records]: Can I look?
Maggie: Well, I don't mind, but HIPPA won't like it.

• Permalink: Well, I don't mind, but HIPPA won't like it.
• Added: February 24, 2016

Spencer: Good morning.
Veronica: It was until I opened my eyes.

• Permalink: It was until I opened my eyes.
• Added: February 24, 2016

Tess: Karma's a bitch.
Harlee: Well, someone here is.

• Permalink: Well, someone here is.
• Added: February 24, 2016

Mari: The best thing my parents every gave me was that freedom. Well, that and this totem. That makes me a total badass.
Oliver: You don't need a totem for that.

• Permalink: You don't need a totem for that.
• Added: February 24, 2016