Vanderpump Rules Season 5 Episode 7 Review: The Sociopath Test
Sarah Hearon
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Stassi and Jax together, Scheana fighting with Stassi, Katie and Kristen and no DJ James Kennedy?
Vanderpump Rules Season 5 Episode 7 could have taken place during the show's first season, and that's a good thing. A very good thing.
Scheana and Kristen are throwing a surprise party for Carter and Shay. I'm already cringing thinking about seeing Shay now that we know him and Scheana are getting a divorce.
Nathalie is excited to see Stassi back at SUR, so that means at least one of her former bosses is happy she got her goat cheese balls. Lisa on the other hand, not so much.
I am ride or fucking die with those goat cheese balls. And my white wine.
Stassi
Stassi wants to have Jax on her podcast Straight Up With Stassi and asked Brittany for her permission. I'm not embarrassed to admit I've listened to the podcast, and it's very entertaining. She gives Jax a sociopath test, and for that, she is a legend. (Spoiler alert: he tests positive.)
While that was never really a question, Brittany's lack of details about Jax's past is. Has Brittany really not seen the first two seasons of Vanderpump Rules? I know Jax is "reformed," but I would be dying to see my boyfriend's behavior, especially if he was the bad boy of Bravo. Someone should give her the DVDs for Christmas.
Ariana, Lala, Katie and Scheana are sitting at one table, so in other words, hell has frozen over.
Scheana apologized to Lala for "anything that she said that was is untrue." Katie says in her confessional that Scheana needs to have some integrity, but one could say that apologizing (if you could even call what she said an apology) takes more courage than anything else.
Scheana apologizing to Lala is like the victims apologizing to Charles Manson.
Stassi
Seeing Stassi in the back alley of SUR again was like reuniting with your best friend (who's inevitably holding a bottle of wine) after years of separation. There have been so many good times on that unfinished furniture.
When I think back to my relationship with Stassi, I'm kind of reminded of that movie Misery.
Jax
Even though I'm not surprised that Katie is mad at Scheana because she apologized to Lala (and Scheana shouldn't be either); it is ridiculous that she didn't say something during the conversation. All of that being said, Katie's drunk texts need their own Instagram account. She (and tequila) have a way with words.
Stassi, Kristen and Katie say they're "not here to tell anyone who they can be friends with," but it's so clearly what they are doing... even though Scheana isn't even trying to be friends with Lala!
I have to stop trying to rationalize this fight and remember one of the reasons this fight is even happening is because Scheana said "hi" to Lala in an earlier episode.
When it comes to this group, I can predict the future like Gandhi. Did Gandhi predict the future? Who is Gandhi?
Jax
Scheana running to Jax for advice and comfort is comical. Although, Jax has managed to stay friends with Tom and Tom through it all.
What happened between 6 and midnight? My guess is Stassi Schroeder and probably some tequila.
Scheana
This episode screams vintage Vanderpump with Stassi, Katie and Kristen fighting with Scheana. These four aren't met to be friends, and the reality TV world is better for it. The only difference from this episode and season one is Kristen is the most calm. She could be a PSA for therapy.
Ah, the nostalgia continues seeing Stassi and Jax together. They had so many good times together since the first episode:
I would give anything for these two to end up together and film their lives forever and ever.
If I never would have done all of that douchebagging, I wouldn't be who I am today.
Jax
Lisa loves to pretend that she doesn't want drama at SUR, but without drama, would there still be a SUR?
Why am I paying these people? They should be paying me for therapy.
Lisa
Sandoval is the only one who understands that this isn't a surprise party since both Carter and Shay knew about the party, they just thought it was for the other person.
Unfortunately, no one understands that throwing a party with a kiddie pool of margarita with an addict as one of the special guests wasn't a good idea.
It's a shame that Ariana and Stassi don't normally hang out. Seeing her try to handle Stassi's drunk crying was gold, and seeing Stassi continue her drunk crying on the bathroom floor is why she's America's spirit animal.
I don't even know what to make of the final fight between Katie, Stassi and Scheana because they were all just yelling over each other. Fellow bridesmaid Rachael chiming in made the fight even harder to follow.
Scheana is left to wonder whether or not she should go to Stassi's birthday. On one hand, she's fighting with everyone going. On the other hand, Stassi loves her birthday like most people love their firstborn child.
The drama in West Hollywood doesn't have to end if you watch Vanderpump Rules online via TV Fanatic.
Sarah Hearon is a staff writer for TV Fanatic. Follow her on Twitter.
