Barnard "Barney" Gumble is Springfield's town drunk and one of Homer's best friends. Barney apparently had a lot of potential and planned on going to Harvard until Homer introduced him to beer the day before they took the SATs. Since then, Barney has proven a few times he's more than just a drunk when he forms a successful barbershop quartet, snow plow business, and trained as an astronaut. But don't worry, he mostly just wastes his life away at Moe's.
Bart: Murderous mob, I beg you to spare our lives. At least until you've heard the story of how we ended up with the head of our beloved town founder.
Barney: How long will this story take?
Bart: Uh, about twenty-three minutes and five seconds.
Barney: I got me a part time job working as a Santa down at the mall.
Homer: Wow, can I do that?
Barney: I dunno, they're pretty selective. (Barney belches loudly)