Barnard "Barney" Gumble is Springfield's town drunk and one of Homer's best friends.  Barney apparently had a lot of potential and planned on going to Harvard until Homer introduced him to beer the day before they took the SATs.  Since then, Barney has proven a few times he's more than just a drunk when he forms a successful barbershop quartet, snow plow business, and trained as an astronaut.  But don't worry, he mostly just wastes his life away at Moe's.

Barney Gumble Quotes

Bart: Murderous mob, I beg you to spare our lives. At least until you've heard the story of how we ended up with the head of our beloved town founder.
Barney: How long will this story take?
Bart: Uh, about twenty-three minutes and five seconds.

Barney: I got me a part time job working as a Santa down at the mall.
Homer: Wow, can I do that?
Barney: I dunno, they're pretty selective. (Barney belches loudly)

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The Simpsons Quotes

Bart: I'll go, disguised as you.
Lisa: What if he wants to hold hands?
Bart: I'm prepared to make that sacrifice.
Lisa: What if he wants a kiss?
Bart: I'm prepared to make that sacrifice.
Lisa: What if he
Bart: You don't want to know how far I'll go.

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!