Jesus is a fictionalized version of the Biblical Jesus on South Park.  Yeah, supposedly the son of God lives in the small Colorado town of South Park and has his own public access television show, Jesus and Pals.

Jesus Quotes

Stan: Jesus, what happens if someone really wants to die and you kill him?
Jesus: I'm not touching that with a sixty foot pole.
Stan: Goddammit!
Jesus: I heard that.

Caller: Jesus, this is...
Jesus: Martin, from Aspen. Yes, I know.
Caller: How'd you know that?
Jesus: Maybe because I'm the son of God, brainiac.

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South Park Quotes

Kyle: Dude, I have to save Ike! I don't even know what to do!
Stan: Well, we can't do anything now; that fat bitch won't let us!
Ms. Crabtree: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?
Stan: I said that rabbits eat lettuce.
Ms. Crabtree: Oh. Well, yes, they certainly do...

Stan: What's gonna be for lunch today Chef?
Chef: Well, today it's Salisbury steak with buttered noodles, and a choice of green bean casserole, or vegetable medley.
Cartman: Kickass.