Mike Thompson is the hilarious sheriff of Patience, Colorado, who more often than not takes credit for his deputy's work.

Mike Thompson Quotes

There's a lot of confusing shit coming from over here, I'm going to be honest with you.


Liv [music blasting in the background]: Listen, that duffle bag belongs to the alien tracker's son. I found the information in a diary.
Mike: Who has diarrhea?
Liv: No! DIARY!
Mike: Diarrhea?
Liv: DIARY! And I found the name of the son's therapist. He lives in Utah, and, get this. He was murdered last night!
Mike: Damn! Things have taken a turn. No wonder you have diarrhea.

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Resident Alien Quotes

Sheriff: I'm Sheriff Mike Thompson. Everybody calls me Big Black.
Harry: Because of your truck.
Sheriff: Because of my... [chuckles] Oh, you funny, huh? Funny.

Spring. The birds are singing, the flowers are blooming, the sun warms the earth. Somewhere; not here. It's 30 degrees out, it snowed nine feet last winter, and four frozen sodas just exploded in my truck. Welcome to Patience, Colorado.