Professor John I.Q. Nerdelbaum Frink, Jr. is the local Springfield super genius scientist and college professor.  Frink often makes some bizarre devices that are often used in the Treehouse of Horror specials.

Professor Frink Quotes

(Volunteers offer to help Marge and Homer with Bart's predicament in the well.)
Falcon Man: Grasping the child firmly in his talons, Socrates here will fly him to safety! Just watch.
(The falcon is released and flies away) I don't think he's coming back.
Sea Captain: With this hook, and this hunk of chocolate, I'll land your boy. And I'll clean him for free.
Professor Frink: Although we can't reach the boy, we can freeze him with liquid nitrogen, so that future generations can rescue him.

According to the gas chromatograph, the secret ingredient is...Love?! Who's been screwing with this thing?

Professor Frink

The Simpsons Quotes

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

Son, a woman is a lot like a... a refrigerator! They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice, and um Oh, wait a minute! Actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one, you wanna drink another woman!

Homer