Ralph Wiggum is the mentally-challenged son of Police Chief Wiggum and one of Lisa's classmates on The Simpsons.  Ralph has a crush on Lisa, has been somewhat friends with Bart, and likes to eat glue.  We love Ralph and the adorable things he says.

Ralph Wiggum Quotes

Miss Hoover: You see, class, my Lyme Disease turned out to be (Spells on blackboard) psychosomatic.
Ralph: Does that mean you're crazy?
Janey: No, that means she was faking it.
Miss Hoover: No, actually, it was a little of both.

Clouds are God's sneezes.

Ralph
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The Simpsons Quotes

One trick is to tell 'em stories that don't go anywhere, like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. "Give me five bees for a quarter," you'd say. Now, where were we? Oh yeah, the important thing was I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones..

Grampa

Homer: Aw, twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.