Slater Quotes

Slater: Everyone else, these are your dossiers. Read them on the way to Tunt Manor.
Cheryl: Tunt Manor! That's my house!
Slater: I know! (mimicking Cheryl's high voice) And because you know the property, you'll be posing as the listing agent.
Cheryl: Ahhhh! (squealing and clapping)
Mallory: Shut up!
Cheryl: Burn!

Slater: Hang on, go back. You speak Urdu?
Archer: Huh? Oh, no, no, just that one phrase.
Farouk: The only phrase you know in Urdu is "No shit, you goat-raping pig devil."
Archer: What?! I thought it meant "I'm sorry." Huh, probably why that night in Karachi went from pretty bad to much worse.
Slater: I'm gonna stop you there.
Archer: Probably someone should. There's a baby.

Archer Quotes

Cyril: Why are you so scared of crocodiles?
Archer: Gee, I don't know, Cyril. Maybe deep down I'm afraid of any apex predator that lived through the K-T extinction. Physically unchanged for a hundred million years, because it's the perfect killing machine. A half ton of cold-blooded fury, the bite force of 20,000 Newtons, and stomach acid so strong it can dissolve bones and hoofs.

Cheryl: What the stupid shit are you doing??
Cyril: You said you wanted watermelon.
Cheryl: Watermelon's red?
Cyril: Yes. How do you not know that?
Cheryl: Who am I? Charles Frederick Andress?