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With Pip on the team, the South Park dodgeball team makes it to the championships. Meanwhile, back in town, the citizens recognized "Conjoined Twin Myslexia Awareness Week" to try and make the school nurse feel accepted.
After Mr. Mackey gets in trouble for passing out marijuana during a lesson on drugs, he's fired and turns to the drugs himself. Meanwhile, when Ike is set to be circumcised, the boys try to rescue him and his penis' fate.
When a man raping chickens is on the loose we learn something much more devastating, Officer Barbrady is illiterate. While Cartman takes over patrolling the streets, the other boys try to teach the officer to read.
Just as Mephisto is about to reveal Cartman's dad's identity, he is gunned down. While the boys wait for him to recover, the town is hit with a blizzard and the townspeople are left with no food.
Terrance and Phillip head to Iran to rescue Terrance's imprisoned daughter, Sally. Meanwhile, a complex chain of events back in Canada lead to a hostile takeover and the boys must save both the girl and their country.
Cartman tries to discover who is father is and learns he was conceived at the 12th Annual Drunken Barn Dance; Meanwhile, Kyle and Stan enter a videotape of Cartman having a tea party with stuffed animals to America's Stupidest Home Videos.
Mr. Garrison takes the students on an archaeological dig and Cartman find s a mysterious triangle that lands him on TV. Soon Barbra Streisand comes to claim the triangle and only Robert Smith of the Cure can help.
Mr. Garrison gets a nose job and soon discovers he can have his dream career: sleeping with hot chicks; Ms. Ellen substitutes for him and all the boys crush on her.
A new student, Damien, comes to South Park elementary and reveals he is the son of Satan and has come to find Jesus to arrange a boxing match with his father.
Kyle's mother complains that the school's Christmas play favors Christianity and is not catering to other religions; Kyle is visited by Mr. Hankey, the Christmas poo.