Alison: So that's what you walk around with, every day? Ben: When I got back home, I couldn't stand Heidi anymore. It wasn't her fault. It just, I wish she looked at me, the way she needed me. One night we got in bed and I tied her in bed on her stomach so I wouldn't have to look at her face, not even when Bodie started to cry. I got clean after that, and I haven't touched a drink since. I haven't touched her, either.