Barely Legal Picture

Barely Legal Picture

Brian and Quagmire join the police force and end up saving Brian from an obsessed Meg.
Added:
Double Date

Double Date

Stewie and Olivia go on a double date with Brian and his girlfriend, Jillian.
Added:
Lois Teaches Sex Ed

Lois Teaches Sex Ed

Lois volunteers to teach Chris' sex-ed class when the school is failing in her mind.
Added:
Stewie Meets Jillian

Stewie Meets Jillian

Stewie meets Brian's hot, but dumb girlfriend, Jillian and can't stop ragging on him.
Added:
Brian and Stewie in the Army

Brian and Stewie in the Army

Stewie signs Brian up for the army and the two of them find themselves shipped off to Iraq.
Added:
Peter's Tank

Peter's Tank

Peter ends up using Meg's money to buy himself a super practical tank.
Added:
Mother Tucker Picture

Mother Tucker Picture

When Peter's mother gets divorced and starts dating Tom Tucker, Peter begins to look to him as a father figure.
Added:
Stewie Loves Lois Picture

Stewie Loves Lois Picture

When Lois rescues Stewie's teddy bear, Rupert, Stewie becomes obsessed with his mother.
Added:
Chris and his Crush

Chris and his Crush

Chris ends up crushing on a girl in school with down syndrome during this Valentine's Day episode.
Added:
Mort Goldman Pic

Mort Goldman Pic

A picture of Mort Goldman, the nerdy pharmacist on Family Guy.
Added:
Meg Hides Luke

Meg Hides Luke

Meg hides her jailbird of a boyfriend, Luke (guest voice Chace Crawford) in her parents' house.
Added:
Meg and Luke

Meg and Luke

Meg visits her boyfriend, Luke (guest voice Chace Crawford) at prison.
Added:

Family Guy Quotes

Death Star Officer 1: Any attack made by the Rebels against this station would be a useless gesture, no matter what technical data they've obtained. This station is now the ultimate power in the universe.
Stewie (Darth Vader): That is fantastic! Terrific work! So no weaknesses at all, huh?
Death Star Officer 1: N- (considers) no.
Stewie (Darth Vader): You, uh, you hesitated there. Is there something I should know?
Death Star Officer 1: No, it's virtually indestructable, like 99.99 percent.
Stewie (Darth Vader): Uh...OK, wouldn't be doin' my job if I didn't ask what's the .01?
Death Star Officer 1: Well, I- I mean, there's this little hole, it was kind of an aesthetic choice by the architect, and if you shoot a laser into this hole, uh, the station blows up.
Stewie (Darth Vader): Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, that sounds like a pretty big design flaw there.
Death Star Officer 1: No, no, no the hole's only two meters across.
Mayor Adam West (Grand Moff Tarkin): Well, that's no bigger than a womp rat.
Death Star Officer 1: Exactly. And even to get within range of it, you have to skim along this whole trench, it's not a big deal.
Stewie (Darth Vader): Well, I mean, I mean, can't we board it up or, you know, put some plywood over it or something?
Death Star Officer 1: Well, that would look terrible! I mean, we got to think about re-sale.
Stewie (Darth Vader): Re-sale? Wh-what are you talking about? This property is right above Sunset, the value's only gonna go up.
Death Star Officer 1: Lord Vader, your inside references to the Los Angeles real estate market haven't given you the clairvoyance to turn a profit on that condo in Glendale, nor has it-
(Vader begins choking him with the Force)
Stewie (Darth Vader): I find your lack of faith disturbing. That property is in a prime location, twenty minutes to the beach, twenty minutes to downtown!
Death Star Officer 1: (choking) There's nothing to do downtown!
Mayor Adam West (Grand Moff Tarkin): Enough of this! Vader, release him.
Stewie (Darth Vader): As you wish. (releases the officer, who collapses on the table, gasping for air) All right, so we gonna plug up that hole?
Death Star Officer 2: Yeah, we can get it done tomorrow if price is no object.
Stewie (Darth Vader): Eyuuuuh...
Death Star Officer 2: We'll get estimates.
Stewie (Darth Vader): Yeah, get estimates, yeah ha, yeah, yeah ha ha, yeah.

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)