Chanel #2: Also! Zero dinosaurs. Chanel: There's no dinosaurs? Chanel #2: No. As soon as I got there I was like, "Where are the dinosaurs?" And they were like, "We know. Jesus broke in and stole them."
Halloween is the most important day of the year. It's the one day on the Gregorian calendar where you're allowed to go around terrifying children and not be branded a psychopath. I am a future network news anchor who's super classy and has almost no fat on her body. But a lot of my fans are, like, friendless dumpy coeds at this or that nursing school in one of this country's various national armpits. And Chanel-O-Ween is the one time a year where I can give these precious donkeys something to look forward to. They put down their Hot Pockets and bask in the warm glow of what it feels like to love me. Chanel-O-Ween is approaching so I went shopping with my comatose grandmother's credit card and bought presents. This severed hand is for Mallory. These razor apples- for Daisy!