We all know how stressful the holidays can be. When you’re feeling overwhelmed with your own family shenanigans, just remember that things could be worse.
Sure, Grandma Esther might pinch your cheeks and pester you about when you’re finally going to settle down, but you’re probably not too worried that she’s poisoned the cranberry sauce.
So while you’re counting to 10 before answering Uncle Carl’s borderline bigoted question and avoiding Aunt Linda’s attempts to discuss the presidential primaries, just remember things could be worse.
You could be sitting down to dinner with one of these families instead.
Game of Thrones: The Lannisters
Game of Thrones is full of terrible families, but the Lannisters are probably the worst. From twincest to attempted fraticide, this family is chock full of sociopaths. When they’re not busy trying to kill each other, there are outside threats to worry about. In this family, instead of catching the big game, you’re likely to endure the torture of a relative.
Tyrant: The Al-Fayeeds
Sure, finding out you’re set to inherit $100 million sounds great, but not when it comes with this family. Not only did patriarch Jamal rape his daughter-in-law on her wedding night, he accidentally murdered his mother in an attempt to kill his new-found son. With assassination plots, faked deaths, and an inter-family coup, their holiday dinner is sure to make yours look like a cake walk.
Scandal: The Popes
When your father is the head of a shadowy black ops group and your mother is a terroist, you’re off to a bad start. Thanksgiving with the Popes would probably feature killer food from the best chef in town accompanied by the finest wines, but the conversation is sure to be littered with landmines.
Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D: The Johnsons
A family with superpowers and a lot of unresolved angst, secrets, and betrayal? Dinner probably isn’t going to end well. Somebody storming out or throwing a dinner roll is nothing in comparison to how this family feud would play out.
Empire: The Lyons
You’d think that doing seventeen years in prison for your husband would earn you some spousal loyalty, but not so with the Lyons. Fights in this family are less name calling and more hair-pulling, face-punching, and skull-crushing. You would not want to be stuck in the middle of the stuggle for the last piece of pie.
Revenge: The Graysons
Sure, this family came to a Hamlet-esque end, but they were pretty terrible while they were still alive. In addition to a variety of crimes and an astounding amount of adultry, they take their revenge fantasies very seriously. Steer clear of this family’s dinner table unless you want a carving knife in your back.
Weeds: The Botwins
Nancy Botwin might have started dealing to support her family, but she was quickly seduced by money and power. Marrying a Mexican drug lord, kidnapping their child, and ending up in prison gave her kids more than a few things to talk about on the therapist’s couch. They only thing that would save this meal is Uncle Andy’s gastronomic prowess (and maybe a sample of Silas’ product).
Sons of Anarchy: The Tellers
Members of the Teller family tend to wind up dead, often at the hands of another Teller. The Tellers are all involved in the Sons of Anarchy Motorcycle Club which brings with it a life of crime, violence, and danger. Be thankful you don’t have to spend your holidays constantly watching your back!
The Americans: The Jennings
Sure, the Jennings seem like a normal suburban family. But wtih two covert Russian spies at the head of the table, they’re anything but. Bringing home your boyfriend takes on a whole new level of stress when mom and dad can fit his body into a carry-on suitcase if they don’t approve.
Bloodline: The Rayburns
This family may seem picture perfect from the outside, but a decades old secret is the crack in the foundation that will bring them down. When betrayals run this deep, the fallout is bound to blow up like the frozen turkey your Uncle Al tried to deep fry in the garage.
Archer: The Archers
The only decent Archer is baby A.J., and thank god she has her mother, Lana, to balance out her father’s side of the family. Grandma Mallory is already trying to give the baby an eating disorder, and Sterling’s relationship with her is complicated to say the least. Besides, they can’t seem to have a dinner party without a guest ending up dead.
Arrested Development: The Bluths
The Bluths are basically the epitome of a dysfunctional family. George Sr is in prison for embezzlement, Lucille is an alcoholic, Lindsay and Tobias can barely keep their marriage together, Gob will sleep with anything that moves, Buster loses a hand to a seal, and George Michael is in love with his cousin. They may not actively be plotting to kill each other, but they’d drag you down with them when they head to the nuthouse.. .
Always Sunny in Philadelphia: The Reynoldses
The Reynolds family may be terrible in a more conventional way that some of the other families on this list, but you still wouldn’t want to share a meal with them. In addition to the food likely being inedible, you’d have to be on high alert the whole time because someone is sure to try and scam you. Or worse, try to use the D.E.N.N.I.S. on you.
