Laughter is the best medicine, so they say.
That’s good, because it’s flu and cold season, and my nose is starting to run.
Oh yeah, quotes. There are some funny little buggers to be had from many shows this past week, so prepare to be in very good heath.
It’s a snap. Read and enjoy!
Supernatural
Dean: Weird, creepy, off-the-grid “Children of the Corn” people? Yeah, I’m in.
Chicago Med
Halstead: Now he’s doing jumping jacks in the nude. Nina: You really need a new roommate.
Hawaii Five-0
McGarrett: Hi, can I help you? Lynn: I’m not sure if I have the right place. A handsome gentleman promised me an evening of romance and fine dining. McGarrett: I can definitely help you with one of those. Lynn: I hope it’s dinner because I am starving.
Quantico
Shelby: I don’t think he was going to give me a Columbian neck tie in between sips of his Kale Apple Ginger.
Shameless
Carl: I told them I was part black, they didn’t believe me. Dom’s Dad: You want me to vouch for your black-ness?
Gotham
Penguin: It’s a shame I don’t have a plus one. Nygma: I can’t go anyway. I have a date. Penguin: With the woman you claim you love after knowing only a few hours? Nygma: The heart keeps its own time.
Westworld
The Man in Black: You used to be beautiful. When this place started, I opened one of you up once, a million little perfect pieces. And then they changed you, made you this sad, little real mess, flesh and bone, just like us. They said it would improve the park experience. But you know why they really did it? It was cheaper. Your humanity is cost effective, so is your suffering.
Once Upon a Time
Evil Queen: You call this an entrance, Regina? Well, I suppose I was the one with all the flair.
NCIS: Los Angeles
Eric: The X-Box Games are coming up and we’re building up my controller-grip strength. No pain … Nell: No weakness. Deeks: No idea who you two are.
Secrets and Lies
Eric: So the only thing you weren’t lying about, is that everyone lies.
The Walking Dead
Ezekiel: People want someone to follow.
Masters of Sex
Art: If I know Virginia, she’ll take full advantage of this trip. They’re posing as a couple, after all. They’re going through treatment. I think she’s hoping the Masters and Johnson method will work on Masters and Johnson.
Madam Secretary
Russell: Here’s a novel idea: stick to the Prime Directive. Let democracy take its course…without U.S. interference. Elizabeth: Really? A Star Trek reference?
Lucifer
Trixie: Halloween is the one night you get to be whatever you want.
Supergirl
Alex: You look like crap. Winn: Thank you, I saw the mirror this morning.
Scorpion
Happy: Okay, take a bobby pin, and I can walk you through the lock pick. Toby: I always wear a hat. Why would I have a bobby pin?
Jane (the former virgin)
Jane: Okay, I’ve had sex. I am now a person who’s had sex.
Timeless
Rufus: How’d you get fired? How do I get fired?
From Dusk Till Dawn
Richie: Are we going to say it? Seth: Say what? Ah. Here’s to getting rich and fat. Richie: And dying in the arms of a beautiful woman.
The Flash
Julian: Can you imagine what it would be like to have those powers? I’d be using them to change the world. Instead I wasn’t one of the chosen few.
No Tomorrow
Hank: Practicing holding my breath in case of chemical attack.
Agents of SHIELD
Robbie: That’s the deal I made. I swore to go after those who spilled innocent blood, and I was reborn.
This Is Us
Jack: You’re adopted, and we don’t talk about that enough. Because to me, you are every part my son. And maybe I don’t want you to feel like you stand out. But I need you to know something. I want you to stand out. I want all of you to be as different as you can possibly be, in all the best ways. I love you as much as a human heart can, kiddo. You are an exceptional young man. So don’t let your old man’s poor choices make you feel afraid to be different, OK? OK.
Chicago Fire
Mouch: What’s going on here? You having a mental event of some sort?
Salem
Anne: I gave you a simple test and you failed. I left you free to move and speak. If you move or speak against me, Brown Jenkins feasts on your insides. Cotton: You have me in a prison. Anne: No, dear Cotton. I have a prison inside you. Now come to bed.
Younger
Diana: Good luck. We’re all begging for more cock. I mean Crown of Kings, of course. C. O. K. I’ve never said that acronym out loud. I’ve always just read it, alone, in my head.
Arrow
Diggle: You must be the new kids on the block. Curtis: More like the Backstreet Boys.
Frequency
Frank: Slow down. We’re not going to help anybody if we’re not gonna get there. Raimy: What the hell, dad? Calm down. Frank: It’s ‘what the hell’ Detective Sullivan.
American Horror Story: Roanoke
Jethro: We’re part of the United States! We get TV!
Code Black
Campbell: Are you removing a spleen in the ER? Ethan: Yeah, we thought her dying in the elevator wasn’t the best way to go.
The Big Bang Theory
Sheldon: Oh, I don’t mind. I’m very good at complaining. If it were an Olympic Sport I’d complain about what a stupid sport it is, and then I’d take home the gold.
Rosewood
Rosewood: It’s Disney World. Who doesn’t like Disney World? Kayla: It’s for little kids.
Legends of Tomorrow
Ray: You OK? Mick: We were attacked by zombies. And somebody put sprouts on my sandwich.
Pitch
Ginny: I guess you’ve seen the video. Dr.:The whole world has seen the video.
How to Get Away with Murder
Connor: Maybe you were both with him. Asher: Oh, two beards, one chick. That’s hot.
Grey’s Anatomy
Alex: They’re gonna overhaul the program because I beat up DeLuca. Meredith: Everything isn’t about you. That doesn’t even make sense. Alex: A teacher beat up a student. Meredith: Oh, that makes sense.
The Blacklist
Red: Belief is such a relative concept. Is there a God. Are we alone in the universe? What the hell have they found out there in Area 51 anyway?
The Exorcist
Influential Lunatics: Pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me!
The Vampire Diaries
Bonnie [to Caroline]: I’d be honored to be your maid of honor…and not just because my main competition is in a coma until I die.
MacGyver
Mac: You almost made the whole mission without a Shawshank reference
Blue Bloods
Frank: Why are you lurking by the elevator? Garrett: I’m not lurking. Frank: You lurking always means bad news or a plea to keep my mouth shut.
