Just so you know Jeff, you're not creating six different timelines.

We spend too much time together.

Troy/Abed

Troy: If you want to get us a gift we're registered at Linens n' Things.
Abed: We have plenty of linens. We only want the things.

Abed: Jeff wants to see you.
Annie: And I want pants. A lot of people want a lot of things.

Troy: It's like a million bucks in dog dollars.
Abed: Word.

Shirley, pretend I'm saying this in a soothing, reassuring, non-robotic voice. We're not gonna make it to the hospital.

Abed: Don't tell any doctors I said this, but at this point in the situation the bus pretty much drives itself.
Shirley: Who is the bus in this scenario?

I'm Jeff Winger. I love working this Blackberry because it really tones my thumbs.

Abed: The Cape is premiering!
Britta: Humanity is premiering you jag!

Britta is attracted to men in pain. It helps her pretend to be mentally healthy.

Abed: What could I do? It was Cougar Town.
Jeff: If you want me to take it seriously, stop saying its name.

Abed: For GCTV this is Abed Nadir saying: Did you know you can make napalm out of common dish soap and cat food?

Community Quotes

Sensible night, appropriate night.
Snow on ground, left and right.
Round yon purchase of decorative things.
Tolerant rewrite of carols to sing.
Function with relative ease,
Function with relative ease.

Shirley [sung to the tune of "Silent Night"]

Annie: How much effort am I worth?
Jeff: I'd break a light sweat.