Luke: Thank you, Alexandra. It's not easy being the smart ones in this family.
Alex: Don't compare us! Your last English paper came back with a Garfield sticker on it that said, "Way to Go!"

How many Mannys do you see through these things?

As an actual glasses wearer, I find it offensive.

You're the last person who should give me anything. You got me here. You got me to graduation, to Cal tech. You did it. You're done.

I'm not a doctor yet, but it seems like you're having some sort of brain episode.

You're not going to drive me into a bad neighborhood to show me how lucky I am, are you?

Luke: What are you constantly looking at on your computer?
Alex: Is that a question you really want people asking around here?

Wait, I just thought of something! I’m going to be the first woman in my family not to get pregnant and drop out of college.

Alex: I know all you had to do to get into their college was like their Facebook page, but this is Princeton. I have to show them that I'm a serious thinker. And you could be a bit more supportive.
Haley: You're right I'm sorry. Your outfit's perfect.
Alex: Thanks.
Haley: If you're applying to lumberjack school. And majoring in having your cats eat you when you die.

Alex: Sex is confusing for young people and she doesn't need to learn about it from two fuzz staches who barely know anything themselves!
Luke: Excuse me, you might want to check my browser history. I've done some research.

Lily: Are you a nerd?
Alex: No. Why would you ask me that?
Lily: It's friday night and you're doing homework.

It's obvious mom, you use Halloween as a way to show people you have edge. It's like accountants who buy are Harley.

Modern Family Quotes

That's why we chose our secret warrior signal. My first suggestion was to blow a Viking horn. Don't google that, by the way.

Phil

Gloria: I'm taking a shower, would you like to join me?
Jay: Honey, you know there's a gun in the footlocker in the garage, if I ever say no, I want you to use it on me