Andi: So. What are you going to do with your new freedom?
Sam: I might learn a new language.
Andi: Really?
Sam: No. I'll probably just nap a lot

Sam: It's a work problem. It's just.. it's for my other job.
Andi: Oh, well, can't Sock or Ben do it?
Sam: Well, this problem really needs somebody who's... smart.
Andi: Oh. I can see your dilemma

Andi: I'll talk to him. I have to be the adult.
Sam: Uhhh, that's, no, that's definitely a terrible idea.
Andi: Why?
Sam: Because you can't deal with Sock as an adult. You have to sink to his level. You have to sink below his level.
Andi: Uhh, I'm not sure that's even possible

Andi: Ooh. We could go on vacation.
Sam: Yes, like a real vacation. Paris.
Andi: We could go to Malta.
Sam: I don't even know where that is!

Andi: If there was a life or death situation, would you call Sock?
Sam: Probably not
Andi: If you wanted someone to make you toast, would you call Sock?
Sam: No

Andi: It's because she's hot. This is your process? I spent hours on the phone and you guys just let your crotches be your guide.
Sam: And yet, the job always gets done

Why did God appear to Moses as a burning bush? Or why do angels appear in dreams? Maybe it's because they need to prepare you with signs, you know? Or maybe they just like messing with your head

Sock: I'm gonna say a prayer when we do it.
Sam: Sock, she's a demon. I don't' think she'd want prayers.
Sock: I'm gonna sing some Sabbath when we do it.
Andi: That'll be real nice, Sock

Andi: What, you guys couldn't even wear one of your tuxedo t-shirts. I mean, I know each one of you have one.
Ben: Actually, there's just the one. We share.
Sock: It's a rotation

Sam: My girlfriend.
Gladys: You don't look mentally defective. Do you have some sort of deformity?
Andi: You mean like horns sticking out of my head? No.
Gladys: I like her. Place the vessel on the mat.
Sam: I think you got official demon approval.
Andi: Ooh, that's going on my resume

Ben: Was his face made up of human skin like in The Texas Chainsaw?
Andi: Ben, everybody's face is made of human skin.
Sock: That is so true

Andi: Outside the hospital, when you told me that you loved me, did you say that because you meant it, or because you didn't want me to go to the cops?
Sam: Both

Reaper Quotes

Hey, no shame in community college, K-Fed. I almost went


Sam [about the vessels]: Wait. So, they're not all little vacuums?
DMV Demon: The boss gives you the vessel he thinks you can handle. You must be a real moron