I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.

On this show, all three judges are mean.

Hey Andy, you're making the worst mistake of your life. You're not talented. Well...right back at ya Daryl.

I've been trying to act and manage this branch. Half the time I don't know if I'm wearing my stage makeup or my work makeup.

Andy: What's the mouse's name?
Guy: It really doesn't make sense to name the mice. They're kind of like cannon fodder.

Phyllis: Her hair looks beautiful.
Andy: Yeah we get it Phyllis. She looks like a freakin' movie star!

I wanted to be my generation's Lisa Loeb.

I guess I can cancel my order from Zappos.com, because oh the loafers have arrived.

When I got the nickname Bonerchamp, that's when I became me.

She'll make a wonderful mother to any child who can overlook weird accents.

Banana cream's the first to go. We'll be lucky to get pumpkin at this point.

Nellie! Get your wrinkly old balls in here.

The Office Quotes

Sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation.

Michael

When I was in college I used to get wicked hammered. My nickname was Puke. I would chug a fifth of SoCo, sneak into a frat party, polish off a few people's empties, some brewskies, some Jell-O shots, do some body shots off myself, pass out, wake up the next morning, puke, rally, more SoCo, head to class. Probably would have gotten expelled if I had let it affect my grades, but I aced all my courses. They called me Ace. It was totally awesome. Got straight Bs. They called me Buzz.

Andy