[singing, to the tune of "What I Like About You"] We're stuck listenin' to you all day ... Stanley tried to die just to get away.

The fire is shooting at us!

Andy: Okay, it is time for the final votes. All of those in favor of resolution Hillary Swank is hot? [half of office raises hands] Okay. And all those opposed? [other half of office raises hands]
Kevin: This is ridiculous.
Oscar: That's the thing about debating, you're just going to get people more entrenched in the view they had in the first place.

Andy: Each side will have three minutes to prepare opening arguments. Topic: Hillary Swank is attractive.
Entire office: Hot!
Kevin: The debate is whether she is hot.
Stanley: What difference does it make? Attractive, beautiful, hot, we're talking about the same thing here.
Kevin: Huge difference. A painting can be beautiful, but I don't want to bang a painting.
Andy: Okay, TMI.

Phyllis: You've got no taste Stanley Hudson.
Stanley: Oh, I do.
Andy: What are you guys talking about?
Stanley: Some actress, whether she's hot.
Andy: Who is the gal in question?
Phyllis: Hillary Swank.
Creed: Ah, Hillary Swank.

Andy: I don't get it! How can she be sleeping with you this whole time and only sleep with me twice?
Dwight: What?
Andy: What!
Dwight: She's sleeping with you?
Andy: I'm her fiance.
Dwight: She said she was only sleeping with me.

Dwight: Oh, how much is this gonna cost? [hits car with bike chain] Oh! What? Trust fund will take care of that! [hits car again]
Andy: What did you say? I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you.
Dwight: I sa- [Andy honks horn]
Andy: What? You stupid idiot! You're like, you're like a Sasquatch! You live in the woods...
Dwight: Sasquatches are the strongest animal on the planet! So fine, call me a Sasquatch!

Jim: Dwight! Are your legs broken?
Dwight: No. My right one's falling asleep a little bit.
Jim: Andy, are you all right?
Andy: Go away, Tuna! I'm winning this!

Dwight: Get out and face me like a man!
Andy: I am a man! I'm a bigger man than you'll ever be! I would never sleep with another man's fiance!
Dwight: You're not a man! You don't know how to take care of her! All you do is dress fancy and sing. [imitating Andy] "La la la la la la la la la la!" What does that mean? You can't even protect her!
Andy: Protect her from what? Bears, you idiot? When's the last time you saw a damn bear in Scranton?
Dwight: Last year, idiot!

Andy: I will fight you.
Jim: Nope.
Dwight: Okay, fine! Good! A duel! The winner gets Angela.
Andy: Fine!
Dwight: Fine!
Oscar: This is nuts.
Dwight: What is your weapon?
Jim: Okay, you know what? That's enough. Because...
Dwight: Hey, this is none of your business.
Jim: Hey. It is my business when it happens at work.
Andy: Guess what? Not happening at work.
Dwight: Yes!
Andy: We're gonna do it outside.
Dwight: Outside of work.
Andy: None of your business.
Dwight: None of your business then. [they high five] Good. So what weapon?
Andy: My bare hands.
Dwight: That is stupid. I will use a sword and I will cut off your bare hands.
Andy: Then I'll get something too.

Andy: I'm telling you to back down.
Dwight: And I'm telling you that I will never back down.
Andy: Then I'll make you.
Dwight: Oh really? How are you gonna do that?
Andy: Through the use of force.
Dwight: That is very general, and does not scare me in the slightest.

Andy: Dwight.
Dwight: Andy.
Andy: It's over.
Dwight: Oh good. She broke up with you.
Andy: No. It's over between you two.
Dwight: Uh, no way. I am not giving up.
Andy: You have to.
Dwight: No I don't.
Andy: She doesn't love you. She's marrying me.
Dwight: Well I don't know about that, because she certainly seems to enjoy making lovemaking with me.
Andy: Angela Bernard.
Dwight: Will never be her name.
Andy: It will be her name. And you will have to call her that!
Dwight: I don't think so.

The Office Quotes

Pam: So I closed the door but the image of his...
Jim: Baquette.
Pam: ... dangling participle...
Jim: Eww.
Pam: ... still burned in my eyes.
Jim: I can imagine.

Mike gave me a list of his top ten Springsteen songs. Three of them were Huey Lewis and the News. One was Tracy Chapman, Fast Car. And my personal favorite, Short People.

Darryl