Andy: Chalk that one up to Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum out there.
Robert: Who are they?
Andy: They're both Kevin.

Andy: I'm sorry, this must be really uncomfortable for you.
Robert: I'm never uncomfortable.

Andy: Chef from South Park. It's genius!
Stanley: Just some chef.

Cheers, cheers, cheers. Get your own guitar.

Kevin: Andy, I think we should acknowledge the man who has led us to such a profitable quarter...to Robert California.
Gabe: I would also like to toast Robert California.
Andy: You can't triple toast somebody.

You don't need a reason to throw a garden party anymore than you need a reason to throw a birthday party.

Andy: You do have a fantastic basement.
Darryl: I did. I did have a fantastic basement. Now it smells like tacos.

Andy: We're losing cloud cover.
Kelly: Oh don't try to get in on it now, Michael Vick.
Darryl: Hey, hey...Vick did his time.

Andy: Ow, ow!
Tattoo Artist: That was just the cotton swab.
Andy: Invest in softer cotton, sir.

Let's ink my stink!

I guess you could say I'm in one of those ass tattoo incentive situations.

Andy: You think it has anything to do with the incentive program?
Jim: Oh absolutely. People wanna see you tattoo your ass.

The Office Quotes

Dwight: What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris, by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years; she's never taken another lover. I don't care, I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.

Michael