Robert: You want a three and a half day weekend for Columbus Day?
Andy: Yes I do.
Robert: And you are aware Columbus and his legions committed genocide against an entire civilization of Native Americans?
Andy: I don't care.

Just to show you I'm being fair, you had Gabe in the losers column...I think that is astute. Good call.

Andy: Where'd you learn to puppet like that?
Erin: I've done it all my life.

Gabe: Andy do you like being alone with me right now?
Andy: No, this is horrifying.
Gabe: I don't like being alone with me either.

I think if he were sexist I'd be able to tell. I took a crap load of women's studies courses at Cornell.

Andy: You know I'm the worst salesman here right?
Michael: But you're the best salesman on the inside.
Phyllis: What does that even mean?
Michael: You sold us all on Andy, a product that nobody wanted.

Kevin: When I was a kid I was on "Dallas."
Andy: Really?
Kevin: Yeah. We missed our connecting flight so we spent the entire day on Dallas. Then we spent a week on Hawaii. I was on heaven.

If you donated my computer to Africa, it would become famous as the slowest computer in Africa.

You got problems? My TV don't work.

Ryan: Yes. Yes, I'll do it.
Andy: Alright! Thank you so much. It's gonna be awesome.
Ryan: And if I flake, I flake.

I can't have this go badly. I'm a terrible salesman, and I haven't been making very many sales lately...or ever. This is my only idea on how to turn things around. If it goes badly, I might lose my job. Which would suck, because this is the only job I've ever been good at.

I get super flexible when I'm nervous.

The Office Quotes

Sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation.

Michael

When I was in college I used to get wicked hammered. My nickname was Puke. I would chug a fifth of SoCo, sneak into a frat party, polish off a few people's empties, some brewskies, some Jell-O shots, do some body shots off myself, pass out, wake up the next morning, puke, rally, more SoCo, head to class. Probably would have gotten expelled if I had let it affect my grades, but I aced all my courses. They called me Ace. It was totally awesome. Got straight Bs. They called me Buzz.

Andy